Friday, April 29, 2005

This is why people don't wash thier hands

I just walked into my normal stall and what did my eyes behold but a large piece of excrement. Or at least what my mind initially registered as excrement (poop for the unenlightened).

Why oh why is there excrement only inches from a nice large toilet bowl? My mind could not comprehend this. Then upon closer examination (no I did not actually get closer to it, I really just looked at it some more) I realized it was not excrement but in fact a wadded up wet cheap paper towel.

This leads me to a bone I have to pick with the public restroom gods. Why do you insist on purchasing a paper towel that is both a doodoo brown color and one that possess no drying aptitude what so ever.

Potty People these paper towels are worthless, WORTHLESS. The only purpose they serve is to move the water molecules around my hands until the act of friction actually causes the water to evaporate. There is no drying by way of removing the wetness going on here. You might as well slap up a slab of wood on the wall and let us all just rub our hands on it and let friction do the work.

Do they not realize that I take at least 5 of these paper products and just mash them up in my hands in a futile attempt to “dry” my hands with the final outcome being that I rub them on my shirt or pants or other such clothing so that the cloth on my body may do some sort of absorption activity. Come on spend a few more cents and buy the real thing, the actual paper that allows us to “dry” without causing a heat reaction.

Washing your hands should not require you to understand chemistry and physics to just get your hands dry. Anyone else with me on this?

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

I'll take "About Kpinion" for $300 Alex

1. I was a tomboy when I was little. Major tomboy. My Barbies went to war alongside my G.I. Joes. And yes that does mean I had G.I. Joe action figures, a real American hero.

2. I wore leg braces when I was little. (Think Forrest Gump, but on a 18 month old). My parents used this to cut in lines at movie theaters. They would put me down and let me waddle around and people would throw down the red carpet and let us go ahead.

3. I walked at 8 months. Not the drunk walk most babies do. I stood up and walked one day and never stopped. This might be evidence of my strong will and hard headedness.

4. I was bald for a good portion of my baby years and then I had white/blonde cornsilk hair.

5. I’ve never seen E.T. in its entirety, and I didn’t like what I did see of it.

6. My first poster was of Menudo. (southeast Texas people, Menudo was the bomb)

7. My first tape was Starship (We Built This City).

8. I danced in an elementary talent show. By dancing I mean that I moved to the music and did the same four steps over and over and over again. I also made up most the dance on the spot.

9. I was in the recorder ensemble in elementary school and never knew my music but I was a good faker.

10. I was on the front page of the paper when I was a little kid. I was getting my face painted at a carnival of some sorts and pouting (which was what I did best as a child).

11. I had a deathly fear of roller coasters until I was in high school. Now I LOVE them.

12. I dyed my hair red one weekend, then tried to dye it back to blonde and it turned orange, then stripped it of all color and tried again to dye it back to blonde and it was pineapple yellow, then went to the professionals and it was copper, and then went again and it was finally blonde again. I will never ever dye my hair again. My scalp was raw for a month afterward.

13. I HATE snakes, spiders, and now rats.I can kill any cockroach that comes my way. I can even grab them and throw them out windows or doors but put a snake or spider in my face and I will scream and run away.

14. I wanted to be an astronaut when I was little, then I saw the Challenger blow up and I changed my mind to a lawyer.

15. I went the farthest to college of anyone in my graduating class (at least I think I did).

16. I went to college in Washington D.C.

17. I lived on Embassy Row in Washington D.C.

18. I went to President Clinton’s second inauguration. Being a girl from Texas with a Republican representative, who happened to be the majority leader, I got great seats (seats being the key word here as most people have to stand behind barricades). I actually got better seats/tickets than any of my friends (one of whom volunteered for VP Gore at his parties. )I was very prideful about that.

19. I sat a few rows behind Michael Bolton (post hair cut I think) and I saw JFK Jr. and his wife.

20. I went to the Texas, Louisiana, Missouri Inaugural Ball also.

21. I’ve seen a drag race – and by drag I mean men dressed up in drag racing down a street. This was at Dupont Circle in Washington D.C.

22. And then I moved back to my hometown and went to college there (sigh).

23. The following make me barf:
Soggy bread
Corn nuts
Those Easter candies that are hard sugary shaped eggs with fake hard marshmallow inside
Cream savers
Dark blue extra gum
Pork Rinds

24. I insulted my roommate one time by not eating the dumplings in the chicken and dumplings she had made. At the end I had a bowl full of soggy biscuits. SICK.

25. I am famous for saying things that sound perfectly normal in my head but come out all wrong once the words hit the air.

26. I use to turn around and drive back home if I had forgotten my watch. Now it's my cell phone.

27. I have an organized mind but an unorganized desk/office. The two are mutually exclusive in my world.

28. I like to pile things. A pile of clean clothes here waiting to be folded. A pile of dirty clothes there waiting to be washed. A pile of unopened mail, a pile of dishes, a pile of paperwork, piles, piles, piles.

29. I drove a minivan in high school and then a Chevrolet caprice. I was so COOL in high school.

30. I know how to use a whip. This is because I was my high school mascot and it was modeled after Indiana Jones (think khaki pants and shirt, leather bomber jacket, brown fedora, and whip). Suffice it to say they changed it to a Yosemite Sam character soon afterwards.

31. I now own that whip because my friend stole it from a storage closet at my old high school.

32. I get excited when I have puzzles or problems to solve at work.

33. I always want to know the “whys” of things.

34. I love news and current events. Any and all current events.

35. I get excited for Election Day and the State of the Union.

36. A group of friends and I stayed up all night watching election results in 2000. When Bush was declared the winner of Florida and then the overall winner we wanted to hop in the car and drive to Austin to celebrate. We decided against it (most of us had class or work the next day) but we almost did.

37. I’ve been to Mexico, Haiti, and now Belize.

38. I want to go to Ireland, Scotland,England, Italy, and New Zeland.

39. My family traces back to some of the first settlers of Texas.

40. I love college football and I will watch anyone play anytime.

41. I played rugby in college. I was a second row and a prop. I named my parents’ dog Rugger (a rugby player) because of this. My rugby career ended because I have trick ankles that like to roll at inopportune times.

42. I took skiing lessons for three years straight. I’ve ridden down a ski lift. Most people do not get this honor and it is very special because they have to stop the lift to let you on and then stop it again to let you off. (I ski quite well now thankyouverymuch)

43. I supposedly use the phrase “Just so you know” excessively and have been made fun of for this crime.

44. I have a hard time saying supposedly, I like to say supposeVely.

45. I also say "Just for you FYI" and now it's become a catch phrase of my friends. Lesson Learned: If you can't speak with proper syntax and grammar, at least lead your friends astray while doing so.

46. I have either had roomies move out on me suddenly (once unannounced) or I have been moved out of my own house while I was out of state working at summer camp.

47. I’ve lived in a teepee for an entire summer.

48. I’ve helped to rescue a sinking boat (and by help I mean I’ve pointed a flashlight into the lake in which the boat sank).

49. I’ve been backpacking where I had to carry all my used toiletry items with me on the remainder of the trail. YUCK

50. My family gave me the nickname Katieradiator because my name is Katie and my middle name is Rae.

51. I was almost a Kitty. My mom named me after her best friend Kathryn Rae and she went by Kitty so I could have been a Kitty.

52. I know all the words to Wilson Phillips “Hold On”. I also know all the words to similar random songs of little notice.

53. I wuse to a skirt, hose, and heels to work every day except in the summers when I got to wear pants. Now I can wear whatever I want!

54. I once emptied our entire refrigerator in the middle of the night and tried to ice skate on two blocks of Velveeta Cheese. When I say everything I mean milk jug emptied, Tupperware containers emptied, eggs smashed on the floor. I would have gotten away with it if my minions in crime (my little sisters) hadn’t fallen and gone crying to my mom and ratted me out. I so could have blamed in on the cute little clones. Darn them.

55. I also led my sisters in another scheme of craziness when we stole their two birthday cakes and decided to decorate the walls with the icing and cake. I paid for both of these with some flesh off of my hiney. My parents did believe in corporal punishment.

56. I started out college as a CLEP (Communications, Legal Institutions, Economics, and Government) major, I then became a Print Journalism major, and I ended up with a Marketing major. My first post-college job was at a private school and now I'm a Children's Minister. Go figure.

57. I love Target. The store calls my name. I have to exercise huge self-control to drive by and not go in “just to look”. I get all excited when Target gets new shipments in and I think of all the things I could do with all the new stuff they have.

58. I have mentally re-decorated my bedroom 15 times over. I keep finding cute inexpensive stuff and I think that I could just redo the room and it would look fantastic. The problem is that each time I do a mental re-decoration it is in a totally different color scheme from what I currently have.

59. I hate waiting. I hate being late. I hate traffic. This adds up to a major case of road rage when I am driving.

60. I use to be a picky eater. There were about four meals that I liked. I had a staple meal at every major restaurant and I would only order these meals. I have since broken out and am willing to try various meals.

61. I use to HATE salads. Ugh I never knew the point; they were made with white lettuce and tomatoes (two things I dislike a lot). I’ve now grown to enjoy salads and will order them quite often (but they must have romaine lettuce or spinach, none of that iceberg white crunchy junk).

62. I love my bed, or any bed for that matter. In fact I just love sleeping. Does this qualify me for the deadly sin of slothfulness? I hope not. I love sleeping in. It is so not the same as going to bed early, as that is evidence of a responsible and boring person. Sleeping in is evidence of a wild and crazy person that must attain that magic number of sleep hours and does it on the flipside without planning or responsibility. I love the feeling of being all cozy in my bed and not worrying about when I need to wake up, or better yet TURNING OFF the alarm, snooze is not enough the horrid beeping must be halted and never heard from again.

63. I am very opinionated. I know many of you already know this but I thought I would go ahead and share it with anyone else out there who hasn’t met me, talked to me, or met someone who already knows me. I have opinions on all topics of interest and even some uninteresting topics. I like to have opinions, well thought out opinions in fact, I think that makes me a better, more informed, and active citizen.

64. I am accident prone and/or clumsy. The perfect example of this is the one time I smashed my HEAD in my car door. I was fixing the locking mechanism on my door and reached by to close it and see if I had indeed fixed the problem. Unfortunately my arm and my head were not speaking the same language and I slammed the door on my head, squishing my head between the body of the car and the door. This all happened in the church parking lot before services. After blacking out for a few seconds I regained consciousness and decided to go ahead to church. Bad idea. I cried through the entire service and finally at the end went in search of help. I found two guy friends who ever so kindly listened to my tale through hiccups, tears, and gasps and fixed my car. I ended up with a bruise running behind my ear and a headache for about a week.

65. I was in a bus accident. Yep, you read that correctly. Our youth group somehow figured out how to flip a bus on its side. I was thrown against the roof and knocked unconscious. After waking up I surged with adrenaline and helped with some of the injured students. When the paramedics arrived and took the girl I was comforting, I almost fainted again. They then back-boarded me (and almost dropped me no less) and I got a fun ride in the ambulance. After arriving at the hospital my adrenaline spiked again and I begged the nurses to let me check on the students and other leader who had also been brought to the hospital. I paid for all this adrenaline later that night when I arrogantly dismissed my injuries and went to church and fell asleep while sitting on the second row.

66. I’ve driven all the way to Dublin, TX. to get a real, honest to goodness Dublin Dr. Pepper. If you thought regular Dr. Pepper was perfection in a bottle than DDP (Dublin Dr. Pepper) is pure ecstasy. We also got a Frosty Pepper, the most delicious dessert known to man.

67. I’m ornery. Very ornery.

68. I have vivid dreams. There are mini-series dreams spread over multiple nights, recurring dreams that are always the same and have occurred since high school. Dreams where I am omnipotent like, i.e. I am all people and yet individually, don’t ask it’s weird I know. I have long detailed dreams with a plot, a cast of characters, and such.

69. I now work for a church where every day is Casual Friday!!! Jeans, t-shirts, and flip flops are back in rotation.

70. I love pranks, I love to pull pranks, I love to get away with pranks.

71. I can hold my own in Texas Hold Em (no pun intended). If fact I once faired pretty well for myself.

72. Although I HATE traffic I love driving my car. Give me a roadtrip, my ipod, and a nice day and I'm a happy gal.

73. Thanks to my father's "one-stop rule" from childhood I am not an obsessive bathroom stop roadtripper.

74. Having a child run up to me and give me a hug, or reach for me when I walk by makes my heart feel a very special joy.

75. The words "silly" and "reflective" are often used to describe me, which I find ironically funny and yet so true.

76. I love a good hammock.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Step into the light Carole-Ann, step into the light

Why do I feel like that crazy/scary lady from Poltergeist is speaking to me? Oh yeah, because there is finally a light at the end of this mammoth project tunnel. The bad thing is that once I reach that light I will immediately be dumped into the depths of yet another project, and so goes the end of the spring semester at a school. Whoever thought the school year was the busy time for a school never worked in the office - admissions, testing, scheduling, registration, policy changes, textbooks, curriculum, etc. it all comes in the SPRING and SUMMER. October and November are my favorite months, they bring with them quiet and a sense of calm.

Side note: If trees really do have souls then I should expect a wallop from the tree spirits as my office looks like a mass grave for trees. Paperwork, programs, leaflets, folders, anything that can be made from the flesh of a tree is drawn to my office. I really think I am sitting in the biggest fire hazard in a three county radius.

So goes my Tuesday.

Monday, April 25, 2005


Ben of MIM said it all.

How many days until Friday? FOUR, how will I ever survive.

The worst part is I need Friday to not come for about two weeks, because Friday is DEADLINE DAY and I am not ready.


If you see a crazy blonde running down the road with her hands waving in the air, don't fear just throw a cheese burger and water bottle at me and keep driving.

Friday, April 22, 2005

Life Lesson No. 219

If you walk into your house and smell something funky and you postulate that it is coming from the garbage can, trust your instincts.

Do not, I repeat DO NOT stick you head close to the can, lift the lid, and inhale the noxious fumes that waft from the rotting waste now deposited in a can that's sole purpose is to house such material.

Once again, if it smells bad assume everything and throw away whatever you think it may be. Act first, smell later.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Did he think that this was the circus?

I was highly entertained yesterday by what may be the most absurd thing I have ever seen. As I drove down our construction laden main road of University Dr., I was frustrated by the smoky slow driver in front of me. Through their front windshield I could see a motorcycler that seemed to be having some problems.

It was difficult to see through the hazy cloud that filled the late model Chevrolet and was most likely causing cancer to rot the driver’s lungs as well as her passenger. It seemed to me that this motorcycler was riding side-saddle. Yes I said the term that invokes the metal picture of a dainty lady in a flowing dress seated upon an English horse. But this was Texas (where no one rides side saddle) and this was a man on a motorcycle.

In an effort to better observe this motorcycler I pulled up next to him. Big mistake, BIG MISTAKE.

He was, in fact, a reject from Grandpa Curly’s Traveling Circus of Idiots.

So now I am driving next to what may be the skinniest man on earth with the biggest ego I have ever seen. People his ego was crowding me out of my lane.

Picture this: Some skinny man/child in jeans, a t-shirt, and a jacket of some sort from the Michael Jackson/Star Trek warehouse. This jacket had foam squares of some sort attached to the actual clothing. Were these there to protect the motorcycler in case of injury, I pondered. And if so, what was the point of having a buffer block located at your navel and shoulder blades? But back to his skinniness – This man made me look like the incredible hulk (which is every woman’s secret dream no less). He weighed maybe, MAYBE a buck and some pennies. I wouldn’t even be able to shop off the dollar menu at McDonald’s with that. To complete the overall look he also had two hoop earrings, spiky hair (which is required of all men trying to look tough) and sunglasses last seen in The Terminator.

So now that you have a visual picture of the man/child let me share with you what he was doing: Rhythmic gymnastics on his motorcycle. This man was jumping and swinging like it was a pummel horse. First one leg was up in the air, and then it slid under him and onto the other side, next both were tucked behind him. I half expected him to do a handstand.

A feeling of amazement, pity, and disgust washed over me. What in the world did this guy think he was achieving with his ballet-like antics? That women everywhere would throw themselves at him after seeing his skills. That there would be a long train of cars following Skippy the Man/Child down the road as he flipped and flopped around on his ten-speed Schwinn motorcycle. Oh yeah baby you are every woman’s dream come true.

The kicker was that when we stopped at a light he began to look around with the face of one who wants you to think he is too cool to care is you are watching but really is dying inside to see if he has all eyes on him. I quickly averted my eyes and closed my gaping mouth lest he think that I was dreaming of our future together with little gymnastic motorcycle riding babies and such.

Our final moment together was when he gunned it at the light threw his legs out behind him and looked like he was flying off the back of the bike.

Goodbye my young showboat. Alas your manly tricks of luring a harem did not work on me. I will always remember your skills and the humor, shock, and awe they brought to my evening commute. I hope you find your lost circus or better yet a partner so you can do synchronized-rhythmic-gymnastic-skinny-butt motorcycle antics as you ride off into the sunset with your shoulder blades and naval protected from harm.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Weekend Update

Warning: The following post was created in haste and therefore lacks the comic genius that normally struts itself on this page. This is really a post on demand and is not up to snuff with the normal vein of what you will find here at kpinion. My promise from Monday still holds true and you may expect your normal fits of laughter, contemplation, or pure hysterics in upcoming posts. The following lines are to quell the demand for a new post only.

I know I know you are thinking it’s Wednesday and Kpinion is trying to tell me about her weekend, we’re already looking to the coming weekend why would we want to hear about last weekend.

Oh but you do.

Friday – Girls Night
So there is a group of old friends (old as in we’ve been friends for years, not old as in we are in need of dentures and depends) who regularly (at least we try) get together to eat and chat. This time we had a newbie but a goody (Blah Blah Blah Bianca) who brought he own flavor to the group. So the gals rendezvous at Humperdinks (home of the tallest bar in this town at least). First off let me just state that our waitress was well different, special, weird. Yep all of those words apply. At first I thought she was going to be sarcastic and fun, you know rip on us a bit but engage in fun banter of a showdown of words but that hope was soon dashed, she was just WEIRD. Also we had almost four different people waiting on us, with managers popping in every now and then.

So now we want dessert and we get the idea to venture down to the Melting Pot for some fondue (we are a snooty fondue crowd you see). Now this is where the craziness begins. We’ve all worked out our seriousness and have reached the silliness stage that always defines these nights.

Here is a rundown of the events:

Duel Burnings – Jes of Just Say Jes burned herself and knocked over a water glass to which I reacted with my ca-like reflexes and threw my skewer in the air. Nicole then decided to pick up my skewer as if she was going to attack the evil hot pot that had inflicted the burn. Then of course I burned myself reaching for a mint, the dangers one faces when trying to freshen your breath is amazing.

The anti-prom group – We noticed that there was a group of high school students that had t-shirts stating that they were having their own anti-prom. Let me just state that five crazy college graduates were more obnoxious and rowdy than 16 high school seniors.

The crutch – Heather had a bum knee (she gets in too many bar fights as it is but come on people a messed up knee, she just doesn’t know how to fight). So Bianca jumps up to show everyone the Napoleon Dynamite dance and knocks the crutch into another group of fondue snots.

Wahoo – Nicole was excited about something and gave a big Wahoo to which none of us responded so she did it again after prodding us to participate so Bianca and I gave a BIG Wahoo which of course was heard by the three other parties in our fondue snob room and Nicole regretted asking for our participation

I’m the one liquored up – Heather who at this point had consumed a Shiner Bach and half a glass of wine (wow what a lush she is) thought she should point out that with all the craziness going on around her that she was in fact the sane one though she was the most liquored up (Oh heather don’t you know that we don’t need liquor to act crazy it is our natural inclination)

The Condi and Katie Show – Somehow Jes decided to remind me that I am the white, blond Condoleezza Rice (btw – her name is in spell check, people that is when you have made it when your name is added to the spell check list) so I decided to take my skewers (I like skewers) and do a little puppet dance while singing “The Condi and Katie Show”. I think it would be a hit, are you listening network TV. Get in touch with my people and we’ll talk.

Saturday Night:

This weekend was a two-parter for entertainment. To set the stage, Jes, her husband Roger, Eddo of Posted Note, and I get together to eat and play a game called Settlers (like risk but harder) and of course, party crasher extraordinaire Bianca came too. So we ate great food (OH MY WORD WAS IT GOOD) and then we began to play.

Here is a rundown of the events:

Prince – For some reason we began talking about Prince. Oh I know the reason it is because we were talking about Michael Jackson and then about the sound of doves crying (which Jes and Bianca imitated and it was not a pretty sound people). So I say that I saw the movie Purple Rain and it was really weird. Then Jes pipes up that her mom took her to see that and she didn’t like it but she thought it was the story of Oprah’s life. After a few beats we all realized she was speaking of The Color Purple instead of Purple Rain. Classic hilarity ensued.

Cookie poop – Ok let’s start this one off with the fact that I make exceptional cookies. Really they are little drops of heaven on a plate. It is part ingredients and part technique. I am very particular about the technique and therefore the distribution of the cookie within the proper timing of the technique. But Roger didn’t know my particularities and he decided to jump in somewhere in the middle of the whole cookie process and steal a cookie. I, of course, reprimanded him severely for interrupting the process and accused him of leaving cookie poop on the counter when he removed the cookie from the baking sheet before it had settled and tried to place it on the cooling rack where it sloughed off some cookie flesh. P.S. Roger if you are reading please note that I harbor no ill will toward your cookie frenzy.

Settlers – Let me just say that this game is addicting. ADDICTING. It is so addicting because I am so competitive. And along with that competitive nature comes a lack of patience which is a REQUIREMENT in this game. I will have three strategies thought up when someone else if playing and I am just waiting to exact my strategy and take over the settler’s world. I also get a little FRUSTRATED when I am screwed while playing. But the game was fun because I won and this wasn’t a pity win it was a come from behind super duper win where I ruled the settler’s world.

Ok so did I forget anything people who were there?

Monday, April 18, 2005

And it just keeps coming

Kpinion is currently buried under an avalance of paper. It was widely reported that the paperwork catastrophe of last week had been cleared and all blogging exploits had returned to normal. Unfortunately, an after-shock of paperwork caused an avalanche that has once again buried kpinion. She is trying to claw her way out from the crushing weight of the papers and hopefully will make a full recovery. Take heart, though she is buried alive her brain is working furoiusly to come up with blog patrol worthy posts that will cause you to both wet your pants from laughter, cry as if she reached into the depths of your heart and pulled every string, and overwhelm your brain with the sheer wisdom and depth of her arguements.

Thank you.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Wha? Huh? Am I that old?

Twice, TWICE now I have heard songs from my youth in commercials. Songs that were so COOL when I was in late elementary and junior high.

Old Navy - Old navy tries to hard to be cool with a little bit of the absurd. Remember all the cute teens and college students with their performance fleece. My skin crawls at the remembrance of those commercials. So I was surprised when I was pulled from the kitchen upon hearing a tune that was familiar. I happened upon a sad, sad moment. It seems the advertising execs at Old Navy have decided that it is time to tear to shreds the songs of a generation. They've decided the best way to advertise their new tunics is to rewrite the song "Bust a Move". You want it, you got it, you want it, baby you got it, just bust a move. They have replaced move with "tunic" or better yet I believe it is actually "tun" which must be the new lingo for tunic.

GM - Now we all know that General Motors is not the most hip car manufacturer. When I think of GM I think of my grandparents, nostalgia, apple pie, and other Americana type old items. I guess that GM is trying to appeal to a younger crowd so they have come up with a commercial that both exploits the space program (which by the way is pretty tacky with the shuttle explosion last year and the problems they have encountered sending another shuttle into space and relieving the space station crew, but that is not my original point) and has a hip, cool, retro even theme song. What song might they be using you ask. Well let me just tell you: “Push It” – ah push it, ah push it, ah push it, push it real good. Did I just enter crazy world, Eddie are you behind the curtain directing this episode of craziness.

So there you go people, my people, my generation, the songs of our youth are not anthems for commercials. Both are used to their detriment and maybe even death.

Ben you might think this is for you but I intended to steal a few minutes from the ever growing paperwork pile and give a baby blog to the people.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

She's alive, She's alive

Like a monster rising from the experiment table I battle my way through this project. I will conquer because I am Katie, hear me roar.

Drama queens get in line the master of dramatics is here.

Miss you all, miss this, but must return to the "project".

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Brief Interlude

The following is going to be painful for many of you. Kpinion will go silent for at least today if not tomorrow. The author of kpinion is buried under an avalanche of paperwork and urgent items that will suck the life-force from her body. Unfortunately this suckage of life-force will prevent her from posting on kpinion for a limited time.

We apologize for this interlude in your blog reading and hope the author can climb from beneath the overwhelming amount of work that now hinders and suffocates her.

If this blog had the technology, you would now be hearing Top 40 musak to further insinuate the absolute bleakness of the task before the author and the utter emptiness of this blog.

Monday, April 11, 2005

Yes I am a nerd

This is my sad excuse for a post today. I apologize to all my readers who wait anxiously for tidbits of humor or deep thoughts but all you get today is this.

I was at a math meeting for most of the day. Math Meeting the crowd exclaims in disbelief. Yes I am an admitted nerd and I work at a school and I like math and I took Calculus in high school and college and made A's (well in college A's in high school B's but I was more mature in college so there). I spent the day talking with department heads at another school on thier math curriculum, scope and sequence. We had Chick fil A for lunch (that is for all the people who are falling asleep hearing about math). We then spent an hour talking "math" when we got back to the school.

Katie holds a lifetime membership in the nerd club and therefore holds all the nerd cards. Don't even try to be as nerdy as me.

Tomorrow I expect my humorous self to return or I may go with deep Katie and give a kpinion on a subject of deep thought. Hmmmmmmmmmmm.

Friday, April 08, 2005

I'm still here

It's amazing how demanding the blog-culture is. My sister commented that I hadn't posted yesterday, Ben got on to me at Jes's site for not posting. Don't worry blogmunity I'm still here, I've just been busy.

Random thought for the day:

Do they make drivers of huge trucks that carry very large equipment take tests of any sort? And if so what type of agility tests do they have to take? Why am I asking this you may be thinking. Well since I live in the "country" I have to drive down roads that are narrow and barely paved. These roads are also "country roads" so they often lead into farm and ranching land before they get to the major roads or highways. I was on my way to work this morning and driving down my dead end street to get to the one road I have to get off my street and there was of all things a semi-truck hauling the most massive piece of scaffolding I had ever seen. It was for drilling. Well this semi-truck had not quite made the sharp turn from the paved (and I use that term loosely) road to the gravel road and had gone into the ditch. This would not have been a proplem if it had not blocked my preferred route of escape. It was actually blocking two roads at once.

The funny thing is that this is the second or third time this has happend with semis on my "country neighborhood" road. I want to put up a sign that states the agility level of the driver needed to manuever that turn. Luckily there was an alternative route that too me through farm land, horse farms and a creek so I made it to work. But if it was raining the creek would flood and I would be stuck at home because of a semi-driven and his lack or turning radius. Does that sound like a plausible excuse to you???????

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

No more products

How? Why? Uuuuuuuggggghhhhhhhhh. It seems that my hot pink can of hair product was grossly mislabeled. I purchased (for a steep price I may add) a BedHead product that was supposed to make my hair shine like the crown jewels with just a light spray on dry hair.

What I really had was CheezWhiz mislabeled as a hair product. After a light dusting (ok maybe a little more than light, I wanted to ensure proper coverage) I was excited that my glistening blonde locks shined like the girls in Pantene commercials. I even gave a little head swing and hair flip to admire the lustrous locks that now covered my head. I just knew that many a person would suffer a case of whiplash as they took in my shiny golden locks.

What I ended up with is a head full of greasy cheesy nasty blondish brown roots. It looked like someone took a vat of animal fat or oil and lathered up my roots. My hair began to form its own dreadlocks because of the grease content.

Now riddle me this, riddle me that, why after using a hair product do I now need a ten-gallon hat?

So if anyone is in need of a hair cheese product I have a slightly used can that I am willing to pass on. Or if you need to grease some gears in your car, or have a squeaky door, or want to eliminate friction on your floors, give me a call and the “Shine” product is all yours.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Bad weekend for driving

These are various incidents that occurred this weekend involving vehicles:

1. Some crazy lady decided she didn't want to wait at the red light anymore and turned right in front of me as I was turning from under an underpass. I honked and screamed and realized that my Japanese made horn sounds a lot more manly with the acoustics of an underpass. She was a very impatient stupid college student and it was the middle of the day.

2. While trying to park at the grocery store I politely stopped and waited for the cart guy to push a long line of carts down the aisle back to the store. Unfortunately the person pulling out directly to my right neglected to LOOK behind them and see if there might be a car directly behind their back bumper. He was lined up in the middle of my car people, with one bumper corner lined up with my passenger front door and the other bumper corner lined up with my passenger back door. I proceeded to scream at him and then realized he couldn't hear me through my car and then his car so I again honked. He gave me a dirty look like it was my fault that he was backing into me without looking or the fact that I had stopped to give the right of way to people walking (and by the way I had the right of way on the parking aisle anyway so humph).

3. After shopping on this particular day I was returning my cart to the nice little cart housing unit/stall and I saw movement of a white car out of my peripheral vision. In that moment I had both a heart attack and a surge of adrenaline. See I perceived that it was my white car that was rolling forward and I literally jumped off the ground ready to spring into action. What action I thought I could accomplish to prevent my car from rolling through the parking lot and smashing everything in its way (small children and elderly alike) was beyond my mind at the time I only knew I needed to act. I guess I figured I would grab the back bumper and using my surprising man-like strength I would be able to halt this two ton vehicle with just the strength of my forearms and quads. Luckily I quickly realized that it was in fact not my car but one that looked deceptively like mine and in fact had a driver at the wheel.

Don't need no hateration

MIM and JSJ take your haters and move on. I like simpler fonts when used with vibrant graphics. To use a very distinct and decorative fonts has a tendency to overwhelm the eye and seem a little too decorative. So just know that I'm shaking you off but feel free to use the swirly font on your own site thankyouverymuch.


Monday, April 04, 2005

Like a big baked potatoe.

Never underestimate the cunningness of five desperate housewives and one single gal. April Fools is our mega holiday. Some people go crazy over Christmas, Thanksgiving, or Independence Day, we go all out on the first of April.

A little history:
It all began two years ago when our art teacher (a good friend, more like a big sister) decided to show up at school with a horrible cut down her calf. Her leg was bruised and battered and marked by a six inch slice that had been stitched up like it was a sliced up ham. The entire school proceeded to poor sympathy on our poor art teacher, much to her delight. Mixed in with the sympathy was a heaping serving of disgust at the true nastiness of her wound. She soon revealed that it was all a prank and she had painted on the bruises, made a raised wound using glue and created stitches by slicing black thread. It was a masterpiece of artwork and deception.

Spring forward one year:

Last year the April Fools prank-fest was in full swing. I got back at the art teacher by removing her entire roomful of art supplies and hiding them. She showed up to teach and went to set up her room for class and upon opening the drawers of all her cabinets found nothing. She later told me that she had a minor panic attack after opening drawer after drawer.

The mea culpa was our planned attack on our elementary principal. She had talked smack all day long (or as much smack as she could talk) about us not getting her during the school day. So we brainstormed and came up with a plan to super prank her. Four moms, myself, and a van full of kids descended on her home and with the help of her husband (who didn’t know what he was in for) we pulled over a major feat. We did a little rearranging of her furniture and when she came home that evening she found her entire bedroom set (including alarm clock properly set to the correct time) in her living room and her living room set in her bedroom. There were also special little treats hidden throughout her home (random scary decorating items from the dollar store). It was classic.

Present Day:

So as you can see we had out do our selves this year. The task was great but we were a Cracker Jack bunch of women and no mountain was too high to climb. We knew we had to strike fast, hard, and something public would be a plus. Our plan was set and we sprung into action. We figured that she would anticipate a Friday attack so we planned to deliver our prank a day early.

On Wednesday night we converged at the school ready to take out our greatest feat yet. Four hours later our task was accomplished. We had foiled her office. You heard that right, FOILED her office. If it was visible it was covered in foil. Two tall bookshelves, check, every book individually wrapped, check, the computer, check, the office supplies, check, individual pens and pencils, check, even the tiny post-it notes on her desk were wrapped. The walls, the ceiling fan, the floor, EVERYTHING. So four hours and 64 rolls of foil later our task was complete. It almost looked like a piece of art work or an ice cave.

Suffice it to say, that our principal was dumbfounded upon finding her office foiled. It was a special treat that a few of us were hiding in the room next door and had perfect line of sight to see her utter disbelief to the sight.

So not only were we famous at our school (everyone heard and came by to look – even some of the church staff (our school rents facilities from a church)) but the newspaper ran a picture in the Friday paper so we were famous in our own town.

Click here for the newspaper picture.

So if you wanna start a prank war with me just remember that I bring the big guns and what you may start, I will FINISH.

Ma, look what I did. Posted by Hello

Do not scroll down, I repeat do not scroll down.

Augh I am such a blogger baby. I need to figure this thing out so I can be high class in my ability to publish.

I have a special post in the works but you will ruin it if you scroll down.

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Friday, April 01, 2005


Check out the new look of kpinion. This amazing design was created by the ever so amazing Eddie. He is uber talented (as his work testifies). I would love to give a major shout out to Eddie (Holla) and kudos upon kudos for the super fun and sassy design (especially since he incorporated all the colors I requested). Give Eddie lots of props and accolades for his amazing work and feel free to link to his site by way of the "designed by: Eddie at posted note" at the bottom of the sidebar.

Special thanks to Jes of Just say Jes for her help on tweaking what was already a masterpiece (is that even possible people, oh yes Jessica is a computer designer in training and under the super tutalidge of Eddie himself).

The official kpinion is that this site is SUPER COOL (cause as Ben says, "I'm cool like dat")

Extra Extra

Check out Me and My Skirt for a new post.

Stay tuned a post of immeasurable humor and audacity will soon drop in at kpinion.

The official kpinion.