Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Did you know . . . . .

Instructions: Below are listed random bits of knowledge I have gathered from afar. These are listed in peach. My personal comments about these bits are listed below in black/grey.

The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.
Might I suggest we update him with a soul patch also.

The word "samba" means "to rub navels together."
Why oh why would you invent a name for this action???

There is no single word given to describe the back of the knee.
I want to invent this word – miggle, mneegle, any suggestions?

A 'Jiffy' is actually a unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
So is this more or less than an MmmBop?

On average, 100 people choke to death on ball-point pens every year.
Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.

That’s it I’m swearing off pens and donkeys.

Elephants can't jump. Every other mammal can.
Uhh, what about the movie “White Men Can’t Jump?”

Polar bears are left handed.
I want to see a polar bear with hands. Hmm, maybe that’s were we got south paw?

The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.
When exactly were the days of yore? Are they near yesteryear and way back when, or long, long ago in a land far, far, away? Come on I need specifics here.

The fingerprints of koala bears are virtually indistinguishable from those of humans, so much so that they could be confused at a crime scene.
Now why hasn’t this shown up on a CSI show yet? Hmmm, maybe they’re holding out for spring sweeps week.

I'm not myself today. Maybe I'm you.
My new t-shirt idea.

"All true wisdom is found on T-shirts."
My point exactly.

Is there another word for synonym?
My new quest as Grammar Girl.

"You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever."
So many men need this tattooed on their forehead.

Indecision is the key to flexibility.
My pet peeve. Why pet anyway, why not son, or sister, or mother. And what is a peeve anyway?

Not the brightest crayon in the box, now are we?
Someone please give me an opportunity to use this, please, anyone.

Scientists say 1 out of every 4 people is crazy, check 3 friends, if they are ok, you're it.
Thank goodness I have the friends I do.

Some people have a way with words, while others... erm... thingy.
You just have to laugh at this.

Probably the saddest thing you'll ever see is a mosquito sucking on a mummy. Forget it little friend.
And this.

Comments, additions, deep thougts? Feel free to share.

Monday, November 29, 2004

All In

I’m back in Little D from Stinky B. To you non-southeast Texas folks, Stinky B is Beaumont. Go there once and you will know why the Stinky.

This is a follow up to Turkey and Texas Hold ‘Em. Turkey was good, although I had very little of it. My aunt who is super fun decided to make things easier on my grandparents this year and made reservations at a hotel for thanksgiving meal. Oh my word, did the entire town of Beaumont come to this hotel? The line was miles upon miles long just to get the entrees. Most of the fam camped out at the humongous shrimp and crab leg bar for most of the meal and then spent some long minutes in line for the “real” food. The funniest part was that there was a man playing a keyboard in a tuxedo with musical notes on the lapel and Seinfeld white puffy shirt underneath his jacket. It was hilarious and yet sad but the funny kind of sad where you laugh really hard.

But this is not the most pressing news. It seems that my family is all about starting new traditions. We have Texas Hold ‘Em at Thanksgiving and we’re adding Paintball at Christmas. Somehow this just seems wrong, but wrong is a fun and exciting way.

So my uncle is doing promotion for some clubs in Beaumont (he use to work/manage at all kinds of clubs in Dallas). So he suggested to this one club, actually a bar, that they have a free weekly Texas Hold ‘Em tournament. My aunt suggested my sister and I go along with our uncle and cousin so there would be lots of people at the tournament. They had each invited lots of friends (my uncle – guys who knew poker, one was a dealer, my cousin – frat brothers and college friends).

We walk in and, of course, are the only two girls in 30 playing in the tournament. At this point, as I survey guys that look like bouncers and card sharks, my one goal is to NOT GO OUT FIRST. Let me share with you my long experience with poker. I’ve played once and that was last Christmas when my younger cousin got a table. I’ve watched lots of Celebrity Poker on Bravo but mostly for the comedy of the banter between the players.

So I sit there at my table and play and a miracle occurs: Someone else goes out first. So I’ve met my goal and now I start playing with wild abandonment. Not really but I actually get involved in a few hands. And then another miracle occurs a guy at my table goes out, BEFORE ME. Wahoo I am a true winner now. I outlasted at least two people. So I play a little bit more daring. I actually move all in on a few hands (this is really because I have about $300 in chips when we started out with about $1,500.

Now get this, I become a deft poker player and here is my trick. I appear sweet and naïve but with enough kick to make it interesting. The guys at my table actually don’t know how to read me. I smile, I laugh, I stare them down. I’m a girl in a man’s world and it works. I begin to win and win big and before you know it I’ve knocked out a few players and I’m the chip leader at my table.

Then the fun begins. They consolidate tables and I take on more and better players and I beat them to a pulp all with a smile, and laugh. I’m actually playing well, lay off the weak hands, play aggressive on the strong ones, and bluff without them knowing it.
And with shaking hands and my bewilderment, I move to the final table the chip leader. I have not only outlasted 23 other men but I outlasted my uncle, cousin, and took out my sister. I’ve got fans now. Men are actually sticking around to see me play and the men at the table fear me. I hear rumors that I’m a minor professional player brought in to liven up the game. Little do they know that this poker newbie is making it on a small bit of raw talent and a lot of feminine charm.

Now that my story is long and you’ve stuck around for a while waiting for the big ending. I’ll let you know I took out a player at the final table and then went all in against the chip leader at the time and he beat me. My two pair of 8s and 4s with an Ace kicker was beat by his two pairs of 10s and 8s with an Ace kicker. I was out but happy. At that point the guy that beat me was slap happy drunk and spent most of his time trying to read me. I think he thought I was some super experienced and high level player and if he could just figure out my tell he would be the king of the world. The truth was I had no tells because I had so specific strategy, I just played and that seemed to work for me. I was happy to go out fourth because the top three got to come back for a tournament of champions and since I didn’t live there I didn’t want to take a spot away from someone else who had played hard (sidenote: I also didn’t want to knock out my table buddy who made it to the final four with me from our first table, he was a nice guy and I had taken a lot of his chips throughout the night and I wanted him to move on, I’m such a softie).

So I’m the family poker stud. We played all Thanksgiving day and I took out three people on one “all in” in one game and finished fourth again in another. It was fun but not as interactive as Cranium. Eddie – I actually told my aunt about the cranium dream team duo of Eddie the speller, actor, singer and Katie the drawer, random knowledge girl. We need to re-team and play again SOON. Jessica care to host a game night?

Friday, November 19, 2004

Turkey Time (and a little Texas Hold 'em)

It is that time again. The holiday hype has begun. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Valentine's Day, and on and on. We seem to like to cram the winter months with as many holidays as possible.

To all my readers (Eddie and Jessica that's the two of you) I will be out of town for the next week. I'm going down to the land of Refineries and Oil fields. Ahh good ol south east Texas.

I will eat turkey, potatoes, and maybe just maybe some good gumbo. I will also play poker. Turkey and poker, those just sound like a holiday in and of themselves. My uncle is hosting a Texas Hold'em tournament and i get to play. I predict one of two things, I will be the first out or the last in. I think I have good poker skills but in fact I am a stark raving idiot when it comes to this game. I know what beats what, I'm a fairly successful liar, but strategy and such are not my forte. I would rather have a cranium or trivial pursuit tournament. So wish me luck and that I at least last longer than someone else.

Enjoy your turkey day, time with familiy, parades and football games, and some good nap time.

Thursday, November 18, 2004

The Single Life (which is never simple)

I am a single girl. In the words of Jerry Seinfeld, a great comedic mind: I am only one girl, there are no other girls attached to me. Although that does present an interest topic of Siamese twins or having someone surgically attached to you later in life.

But I digress.

I am a single girl in a single world, and a weird and complicated world it is. There are so many “single” things out there for all us single people. It’s almost like we are our own support group. Denton Bible has a single’s group but I’ve only been once and to be honest it was weird. I’m in a single’s BSF group which is so far ok, no overall weirdness.

So I am venturing out to a single’s BSF fellowship, social or whatever made up word they are using instead of party. When did party become such a bad thing? Why social or fellowship? What to those words specify that party doesn’t and if they do specify something else I hate to tell the world but what we really have are parties.

I have simple expectations at these parties: a little fun, a little talking, a little laughter, and maybe just maybe some yummy snacks. I do not expect to be evaluated for future matehood. Why oh why at “single” parties does it seem that everyone is going through a mental checklist to see if the person they are talking to, or in some cases staring at from across the room, might be “the one”.

Just to let you know if I am your one and you are staring at me from across the room running through your mental checklist, you better start looking for your number two. Is there some secret tattoo on my forehead that says "Single=Desperate, please oh please choose me to be your future wife even though we have never met and you won’t come talk to me but will continue to stare"?

When did a simple party turn in to a job interview? How are you supposed to get to know enough about me to make more than a knee jerk decision about me, when you are evaluating me as if I was a new car you were taking for a test drive? Part of me wants to enter a party and scream out RELAX. I’m here to have fun and maybe just maybe make a new friend or acquaintance.

I’m not bitter, and I know that usually means that I am, but I’m really not bitter. I just DO NOT UNDERSTAND. Singles, marrieds, somewhere in between, someone please help me with this.

I want everyone to know that this was my original topic as referenced in UGGGGHHHH. While I know that this is nowhere near the caliber of that fine piece of literature it will due for now. I still thumb my nose at the internet but I am willing to let go of my frustration and move on.


I just spend 15 minutes typing what I thought was a fairly witty and funny blog and then the stupid computer, internet, whatever lost it. UGGGGHHHHH. Therefore I refuse to spend my time retying what I would not be able to recall with the same humor, honesty, or candor that it was first written. I apologize to my readers (Jessica that is you) but you will never know what could have been.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Lost and I like it

I am addicted. Not to a drug or mind altering substance or even to chocolate (which I have a deep passion for). No I am addicted to a television show. Now I have always had those shows that were high priority: Seinfeld, Friends, CSI, and Alias, and I've even become addicted to The West Wing. Each of these run in syndication somewhere so I can always catch up on missed episode or go back and enjoy a old laugh.

But I have now found a DO NOT MISS show. I will go out of my way to rearrange my schedule or guarantee that a tape is set perfectly in my VCR for recording if I HAVE to miss it. This show is LOST. It is amazing. It sucks you in with the mystery and unknown and keeps you there with the characters and discovery. I love that you never know everything about the people. Each show brings a new nugget of information. I not only watch but usually tape the show so I can go back and watch it again to pick up any information I missed. This is a show I silence my phone for, lock my door for, and refuse to take bathroom breaks for.

Am I obsessed? Quite possibly but it is soooooo good. If you haven't seen it yet you still have time. It comes on tonight on ABC (the new old station) at 7 p.m. central time. Watch it once and I contend you will be hooked.

Monday, November 15, 2004

Sanity Lost

30+ bobby pins and one massive headache later I have survived Wedding and Fundraising Dinner mania weekend. I ponder if any future nuptials in my future will suck the energy from my lifeless body as this one has, and I was only a bridesmaid. Actually it wasn't that dramatic. It was a long weekend which magically began on a Thursday evening and ended Saturday night.

The pain, panic, and craziness was well worth it to stand with my friend Lisa and share in the joy of her wedding. This is beginning to sound like a hallmark card but it's true. In the moment of craziness I often lose sight of the reasoning behind the situation but the sight of a good friend walking down the aisle and her husband to be glowing (and I mean his pearly whites were beaming) as she floated (a trick of the eye when my petite friend has a princess gown that cleverly gives the appearance that she is not walking at all but some how gliding) down the aisle made it all worth while.

There are days when I wonder if I would make a successful event or wedding planner and each time I am in a friends wedding and end up in a stunted role of planner I think NO WAY. It has a tendency to overtake any joy and excitement as you rush from here to there making sure everything is in place and people you've never even met are asking if you know where this or that is and when this will occur and why this isn't ready, and so on and so on. These are the moments when the little white chapel in Las Vegas begins to look like a suitable alternative.

All craziness aside, the wedding was beautiful, the bride was beautiful, no major issues occurred and by the end of the day I was able to remove all of those annoying bobby pins.

I must give a shout out to Teche (please forgive the spelling) at Rizzos salon in Denton for my amazing updo. I asked her to make sure it would last from by 9am appointment to at least 10pm that night and the hair did not move an inch (and I put it through a day of craziness).

So one would wonder what I did after a wedding and fundraising dinner. Sleep, eat, and rearrange my bedroom. Even I shake my head in amazement that after three days of absolute craziness I would choose that moment to move heavy furniture and try to become an architect/interior designer.

Final thoughts: No bobby pins for at least a few months, weddings are fun but tiring therefore I think everyone involved needs a vacation afterward, and I like my room in its new arrangement

Monday, November 08, 2004

Blonde Moment

It only occurs once in a blue moon, on the eve of pigs flying, and only when he-double-hockey sticks freezes over. I had a blonde moment last night.

Now I am a natural blonde. Nothing on this head comes from a bottle. I was bald as a baby and had white cornsilk hair for many years of childhood. There was that one weekend when I tried to go strawberry blonde but the hair rejected and I am still the natural shade.

For some reason there is an unspoken rule that blonde jokes must be shared with blondes. Am I supposed to laugh at someone making a backhanded insult to me when they feel they must share these tidbits of humor?

I digress. It happened. I had the moment I dread. The moment that people look at me and nod that nod that says "yep, she's a real blonde".

We went to La Hacienda ranch for dinner last night to celebrate my sisters' birthdays (I'm not sure if that should be plural since they share the birthday as they shared in the birth. They're twins.). We were seated right next to the party room and I could look through the window beside me into the party and see tables upon tables of people. Since I am a very curious (spelled nosy) person I pondered what the party was for and who these people might be. I stared constantly at the young couple who were sitting only inches from me but separated by a wall and windows and about four feet of height on the part of my booth. The dinner continued and finally I saw that the party was setting up a little slide show of sorts. I watched the man setting up the show and realized rather spontaneously that I knew him. I began to proclaim to my family he was a friend from college and then glancing around the party again I began to pick out other people I knew. I then realized that the girl sitting right on the other side of the window was a girl I went to high school with and have known for 10+ years. It turns out the party was for Metro Bible Church, a plant by Denton Bible Church, and pastored by Bernard Borque. I knew like 20 people at this party.

How, I ask, could I have looked so intently on these people and not recognize a single one for a good 45 minutes?

So there you have it. My one blonde moment for the year.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

The voices were heard

Surprise, surprise, surprise (said in the voice of, I believe, Gomer Pyle). The nation spoke and, guess what everyone, they spoke in favor of President Bush (who will hold this title for another four years). The media, pundits, predictors, political experts, Senator Kerry, Senator Edwards, and the entire Democratic Committee were wrong. The nation rose up and made their voice heard. Not only does the electoral count find in favor of President Bush but the popular vote, which caused so much contention last year, also favored President Bush. Now we all know that we will have days if not weeks of counting, re-counting, and maybe a hanging or pregnant chad or two to contend with, but I think I can say will all certainty as news organizations have already hinted at that the nation spoke and we have a second term president.

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

A slice of Americana

Rainy morning, every day men and women stepping out of their cars and walking toward the entrance of the fire station. An older woman asks for your card or your name and has you sign the roll sheet. A gentleman beside her hands you a large piece of paper. You walk toward a small cubicle and thoughtfully mark your sheet. You walk toward the receptacle and slide your form through the opening. You pick up a sticker and head back to your car. You drive to work and start your day.

It could have been any day and anything. But it wasn't. I voted. It seemed so normal, so everyday but it is the one thing that sets our nation apart. I get to have a say in who I want representing me in two different parts of the government. Just a normal four year occurrence. Just a few minutes of my time. But it is what men fought and died for so long ago. What we stand and revel in at the 4th of July. What we state out allegiance to every time we say the pledge. What we hold so precious when we think of our freedom. A little slice of Americana that is so much bigger than the actual act.

Monday, November 01, 2004

Get out and Vote

In honor of election day all I have to say is: VOTE. Take advantage of your freedom to express your views regarding our governing bodies and make this republic work for you.

P.S. A little bit of election knowledge - Election day is the first Tuesday after the first Monday in November.