Shhhh don't tell anyone

I’m probably going to go watch The Da Vinci Code. I might even read the book.

SHOCKING I know.

Little ol bible belt living, conservative me is going to see (gasp) a movie that is not on the up and up in its theology.

Know what else . . . . I saw End of the Spear and the actor who played the main character was gay.

And since I am bearing all my dark closet items, I also like Napoleon Dynamite and guess what, the guy who wrote it and directed it is Mormon.

I know; what in the world am I doing?

Also, I guess I should confess to you that I use Pantene shampoo and conditioner and Secret deodorant and they are products of Proctor & Gamble. If my emails are to be believed, then the CEO of P&G is a devil worshipper and all my well spent money on toiletries is going to further the cause of his “religion”.

Oh and for good measure, I like rock n roll.

Yep, now you know. I appear all sweet and innocent but really I am a REBEL.

If you haven’t caught the whiffs of sarcasm I highly suggest you go to your nearest ear, nose, and throat doctor immediately to check out the ol sniffer.

If you have delighted in the aroma of my sarcasm then I will now give you the point of this posting.

Are these revelations really all that shocking? Do they in any way reflect my character or better yet my heart?

If I, a pretty solid believer who has a stong grasp of the theology that I hold to, choose to watch a movie that projects a differing view than what I know to be true, am I weak? If I see it, does that mean that I believe it to be true?

I’m really wondering your opinions on this issue and the like. So discuss.

Completely Rational Fear

There are many things in my life that cause me to fear but only one comes to mind that causes my pulse to quicken, sweat to come pouring forth from my body (not glistening mind you, manly amounts of sweat), and my throat to tighten in such a way that breathing becomes almost impossible.

SNAKES

Creepy, crawly, slithering, scary snakes.

I'm not sure when and where this fear came about. In fact as a child I had no problems with snakes. I remember as a tomboy riding my bike to this pond/swamp which was infested with all kinds of snakes and having no fear at all. I also remember a neighbor having a large boa constrictor that I willingly let be placed on my shoulders (not in a trashy britney spears type way but more in a curious fourth grader type way). As a child I also had not problem with the snakatorium (i know there is a different name for this at the zoo but my mind is drawing a blank so my made up name will have to do).

But then, there are those memories of finding a snake in a toilet (TRUE STORY) at a lake house and refusing to use the bathroom for the next two days without someone examining the entire bathroom with a flashlight for a good five minutes before I would proceed (AND I would flush the toilet about 10 times to make sure any snakes who might be hiding in the pipes were ruthlessly flushed into oblivion before I placed my precious hiney on said toilet.) There is also the time that one of our dock daddies at camp came into the office with a snake and shoved it in my face and I proceeded to crawl up on my desk and then under it to escape the evil creature all while crying and reaching mass hysterics (please note: snakes in face cause Katie to react in weird ways). Speaking of camp, there were also the many images of dock daddies and counselor pounding snakes to death in the lake with canoe paddles that created a healthy fear of snakes in the water and made me say a special prayer that God will allow nothing to touch me for fear that I would have a heart attack right there in the lake in front of children.

This fear causes me to sometimes react in a very irrational way. For instance, I was with a group of women doing some thrift store shopping (don’t ask, they’re my “old lady friends” and I am just along for the laughs) when we came across what might have been the largest snake I have seen in the wild. It had to be at least 6 inches in diameter and was just plain scary looking. My friend, who was driving, swerved to run over the snake and I immediately shrieked and pulled my feet into my lap. Why, you ask? Because in my mind the large scary snake has now somehow jumped into the undercarriage of the car and is making its way into the interior to bite and eat me. Irrational? Yes, but still very possible in my mind.

This brings me to the weekend when I went to watch X-Men United with a friend.. There must be some connection between mass-appeal sci-fi and horrors movies because the majority of previews for X-Men were of the horror genre. A good horror doesn’t really scare me all that but my friend, on the other hand, covered her face for all the horror previews. I will fully admit I laughed at her and her small yelps as she would glance at the screen and become more scared. Little did I know that I would soon be doing the same thing because the next preview was for a movie about:

SNAKES

ON A PLANE

I quickly pulled my hoodie up to cover my eyes and drew my legs into my seat, because again I somehow rationalized that snakes could jump from the screen into the dark theater and make their way down the floor to my feet. I knew that it was an irrational reaction but then I began to think of how perfectly sick that would be for someone to sneak snakes into a theater when that movie was playing and release them. Sick, twisted, and yet oh so possible.

And so the fear continues.

Accents and Lingo

STOP!!!! Go and read the post right before this then come back.

Go.

Ok, did you read it?

NO? Go read it.

If you are still reading this without reading the last post I know who you are and well I can't really do anything to you but if I had special powers I would cause you to have the hiccups for six straight hours for not reading the last post. So there.

Now to what I wanted to say.

As I was thinking about accents and that they are specific to a geographical area, I realized that so is lingo or slang. (Thanks Deals for the extra long comment that spurred this line of thought). Take for instance, Texas with it's ya'll and "coke" for all things in the soft drink family. We also say "fixin" as in "I'm fixin to do that", and then there is "usetacould" as in "I usetacould do a cartwheel but after the bullriding accident my get-a-long just doesn't bend like it usetacould" (bonus points to me for using that phrase TWICE in a sentence). So now I'm wondering what are the geographical specific lingos of you my readers?

It's all about the accent

So I'm a native Texan. In fact, I am a southern Texan, a cajun no less. This led me to have a distinct accent as a child. I could ya'll and drawl with the best of them (although at no point in my life did I sound like Adam Sandler's Cajun Man). In third grade my family moved to north Texas and I lost my southern Texas accent. Yes, our state is so big we have different accents for the different areas. So I still retained my Texas accent, but it was not as deep and distinct.

Then, in college, I ventured to the north (or south if you are all hung up on that mason dixon line) and went to school in Washington D.C. A funny thing happened there, I became an amalgamation of all different kinds of accents. My first roommate was from Rhode Island (talk about a weird accent) so I picked up a bit of her, my second roomie was from Indiana (not all that distinct of an accent but she evened out my drawl a bit), and then a friend of mine was from Tennessee (and oh boy did I pick up some good southern girl triple vowels from her - call me Scarlet I was a southern belle around her). The best part was that by the end of the year people though I was from the mid-west, or north-east, or deep-south, but never Texas.

But my homeland called me back and I soon returned to my roots and my nice Texan accent. After five years of working at summer camp around all kinds of accents I became a non-accented person (or at least I thought). To this day, if I don't mention it most people can't really place my accent*. This makes life sort of fun, because I can talk the talk of Tejas or I can pretend to be a yankee or southern belle. Wonder which one I feel like being today?

* Unless you get me excited or angry and then look out here comes the good ol Texas girl with all her long vowels and other such nonsense. If you happen to have a deep southern accent and talk around me, I naturally return to my roots in a sort of accent-sympathy response.

Remember

Sometimes I realize I have to remember what I already know; not just remember with my mind, but with my heart. I have to awaken the truth that is deep within me, to bring back to life all that I know and I have learned.

Sometimes it pays to go back and look at what you spoke. Because, if out of the mouth comes the heart, than at some point my heart held all these things to be true and I need to remember that.

I can't

Met by grace

Slavery

Collision

Choose your own adventure

Princesses and Heroes

He loves me

Hands

Because I said so

Come

Love

Miracle

Masquerade

No Title

Puzzling

Rainbows and Mustard Seeds

Identity

Scars

Not much to say

Trying to figure some things out.

Might be quiet for a while.

Hi, thanks for stopping by my blog, I'm not here right now but feel free to leave a message

I'm off to a friend's wedding and all related wedding-type-activities.

Feel free to abuse my comments for your own pleasure or enjoyment.

Hmmmm, you can tell a joke, ask a question, plan a revolution of a small country, tell me all the things you love about me (haha such a lame attempt at shallow ego boosting), or better tell me all the things you hate about me (hmmmm, yep I'll leave that in and see if anyone takes the bait and runs with it), or you can just post randoms thoughts of your own little brains.

Why hasn't anyone told me this yet?

I just noticed that I have elf-like ears. Now their not extremely pointed or anything and I won't be stopped by some Legend of Zelda nerds and asked for my autograph, but really I think I could have been an extra in all three Lord of the Rings as an elven princess or something (and maybe even been an alternative love interest for Viggo).

How have I not noticed this before?
Does everyone else realize this about me and have just witheld that information?

P.S. I'm in meetings all day so really this is all you're going to get from me so enjoy.

I can't

I can’t see you.

You look to this world to find Me; I am not of this world. You look for the seen, I am the unseen. Look not with your eyes, look with your heart. I am here, you can see Me when you look beyond what you expect, when you look beyond what you know, when you look with eyes that search for what is unseen, what is unknown, what is there within your heart. Lift your eyes child, lift your eyes.

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:18

I can’t hear you.

My voice is always there, whispering to you and sometimes shouting. My words flow throughout your mind; My teachings ingrained in you. You don’t hear because you seek answers that aren’t Mine. You don’t hear because you listen for something other than My voice. Open your heart to hear My words, listen for the soft melody of My voice. I am always speaking to you, take the time to be silent and listen. I speak to your soul, I whisper to your heart. My Holy Spirit speaks the words “I love you” to the rhythm of your heartbeat.

However, as it is written:
"No eye has seen,
no ear has heard,
no mind has conceived
what God has prepared for those who love him" but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God.
We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us. This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, expressing spiritual truths in spiritual words. I Corinthians 2:9-13

I can’t feel you.

My hands formed you, knit you together, and My touch has never moved from you. My arms are ever supporting you, leading you, comforting you, and sometimes holding on fast to you, lest you run away. You don’t realize that my touch is always there. You want earth shattering movement, a swift and firm squeeze, and those come at times, but My touch, My constant touch is gentle and you take it for granted. Feel with your heart; find comfort in my constant embrace. Remember, remember My hands have never left you from your creation to when I will hold you in my presence.

For You created my inmost being;
You knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from You
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
Your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in Your book
before one of them came to be.
Psalm 139: 13-16

Reflecting

This question was posed to me last night and I actually felt myself react to it. The reaction you have when something that is so true suddenly becomes real to you.

In what ways are you waiting on God's timing or is He having to wait on you?

For all the waiting I've been doing recently, I thought it was always on other people, on the future, on God.

But maybe, just maybe, I'm the one that is holding things up. Maybe I'm the one God is waiting on to give me all my heart desires. Maybe He's patiently waiting for me to move, for me to act, for me to change.

Maybe.

Pondering

Listening:
Telecast - Building a Sorrowful Loveliness

When the morning breaks
When the evening falls
I will write Your word upon my heart, oh Lord
When the fires burn
When the rain comes down
I can feel Your grace flow through me
Without a sound

Nothing is certain, but I'm certain of You
Pull back this curtain, let Your light in this room
And all that's true, I find in You
The more I drink of Your word
The more I thirst for You

When the world dissolves
And the sun just flickers out
I will write Your word upon my heart, oh Lord
When the stars crash down
At the end of the age
I can feel Your touch
As You wipe my tears away

Building a sorrowful loveliness
Out of the darkness, out of the brokenness
Out of this furnace
I find You


Reading:
Ecclesiastes 3: 1-11

There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven - -
A time to give birth and a time to die;
A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.
A time to kill and a time to heal;
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to weep and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn and a time to dance.
A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing.
A time to search and a time to give up as lost;
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear apart and a time to sew together;
A time to be silent and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate;
A time for war and a time for peace.

What profit is there to the worker from that in which he toils?

I have seen the task which God has given the sons of men with which to occupy themselves.

He has made everything appropriate in its time He has also set eternity in their heart, yet so that man will not find out the work which God has done from the beginning even to the end.

Ugh

I hate goodbyes.

Our elementary principal is leaving our school this year, the school she started seven years ago, the school that is built around her heart. It is good thing, a good move for her, but we are all so sad to see her go.

Today was the last day of elementary school and we had a special all school chapel. At the end every elementary student lined up with a flower and a hug for her. Now I'm a sucker for emotional moments, even when the cheesiest song known to this world "Thank you for giving to the Lord" is played in the background, and this moment packed an emotional punch.

There is something about watching 100 children show this woman the impact she's had on their lives. Watching them hug her tightly and tell her they loved them. Watching their younger siblings do the same because even though she wasn't their principal she touched their lives.

So I'm a bit emotional this morning and now I'm off to a picnic at the park. Hopefully a good game of tag will stop the tears from flowing.

The hard part is that she isn't leaving the school until the end of June so I have a whole month and a half to cry over her leaving and deal with the emotional fallout of one of my mentors and a woman I love dearly. She truely is one of my heros.

Ok, enough of the mushy stuff, it's off to the park for some dodgeball and tag with 100 screaming elementary kids.

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

I will admit I like things to be comfortable and consistent. I accept change but I don't always embrace it. Yes, I am that person that orders the same thing at a restaurant, that shops at the same stores, and that can listen to the same CD over and over again. There is comfort in consistency.

And yet, I find myself in a place where change is inevitable.

I feel like I’m on the old game show Let’s Make a Deal. I have my costume, my name’s been called, and I’m standing next to the host with three curtains before me. Behind each curtain is a different path, a new road, a new future and yet I have no clue which to pick. I don’t even have a guess at what’s behind each curtain and I’m stuck wondering if I choose one over the other will I make a huge mistake.

Should I stay? Should I go? If go, then where?

I’m not afraid of change. In fact, I think I’ve reached a place where I’m ready to embrace it wholeheartedly if only I knew what change to make. I’m ready to take that leap and try something new.

I just need to know what direction to head in.

Any ideas?

This place is Purty

(Please note the comments that pop up when you scroll over the pics, and a special thanks to Jes for being so techno-savy and helping me)

It was almost like a cultural exchange. One friend comes to the land of fried foods and flat land and then the other ventures to the luscious green wilderness with fresh seafood. I’m not sure who got the better end of the deal.

So yes, I ventured into the great pacific northwest to see how the other half lives (that half that has real trees, and mountains, and greenery, and oceans, you know the pretty stuff) and I got to hang out with Steve. And I got to meet his good friend C~ (because I like her own personal sign off on comments I will refer to her by this alone).

Sooooooo what does one do when arriving at the grand state of Oregon? Hike. The sad thing is that my Texas lungs are not use to hiking uphill (and when I say uphill I mean UPhill). But the scenery was so worth my wheezing and a little ribbing from Steve as he skipped along (dang Oregonian who is use to that kind of hiking).

First we went to a random trail with this amazing waterfall



Then to another waterfall that is well known but I can’t remember the name of it right now (help needed from any Oregonians who recognize the pics).





It was amazing and so green. Really the trees, the vegetation, the moss. Yep, Texas is brown most of the year so this was a treat.






After some ice cream (yumm) we met up with C~ at her house where she was the most amazing hostess to me while I stayed in Oregon. After more food (steaks on the barby) I got to experience the national pastime of Oregon – MUDDING in the JEEP, although there was not a whole lot of mud (to Steve’s great disappointment).

The next day was all about the coast. Pictures tell it better than words so behold:

The house from Goonies in Astoria.



The view from the top of a tower (again I can’t remember the name of it – gosh for all my history and geek tendencies I failed miserably in committing these places I visited to memory)



Steve throwing airplanes off the tower much to the delight of a group of teenage boys.




Then we made our way to the end of the Lewis and Clark trail and I got to partake in the goodness of a Pronto Pup (corny dog for you Texas folks). Good, not the mammothness of a Texas State Fair Dog but good all the same. And then there was the taffy store. Oh my word, so much taffy. At first I tried to reign in the desire to start stuffing my hand in every bin and filling my bag until it burst, but after a while I gave into the call of the taffy and walked out with two pounds worth (I was later informed that if you didn’t spend at least $10 on taffy you were considered a wuss). And then we were off again to the beach and Haystack Rock (see I remembered that name) with a bit of crab and smoked salmon (did I mention we ate A LOT throughout the weekend).

Haystack Rock.



The best part of Haystack is when the tide goes out it leaves all these pools filled with sealife.






We stopped for a quick bite of crab and salmon in our new beach abode. C~ and I decided to go ahead and snatch this beach house up and now we have a co-op summer home on the beach. SWEET.




More scenery shots. This is the time in this post where I remind you that I LOVE Texas, I was born and bred here and bleed Texas pride but really we can’t compare in beauty to the state of Oregon. Texas is a pretty ugly state (shhhhh don’t tell any Texans I admitted this).



Ooooohhhhh, the octopus tree. This thing was AMAZING and HUGE. Look at how tiny C~ and I look in it.



And then there was the squeaky cheese (not a big fan, cheese that squeaks in your mouth, there is something wrong with that) at the Tillamook Cheese plant and more ice cream (yuuuuuummmmmmmmmm). And then more seafood when we stopped by a friend of Steve’s and C~’s and picked up some lobster salad, shrimp, and fresh crab.

Sunday I got to see Steve in action at leading worship at his church (amazing) and get some fun chatty time with C~. A little Mexican food and bowling and then some gaming and it was time to head home. But not before some pics of our rowdy bunch.

I had to pick this picture because it is classic Steve.



And this is C~ and me (after I slid off the leather chair and had some issues getting up – there are pictures of that because of course steve felt like that should be captured for posterity, but I will let you just imagine and laugh on your own - ok I gave in).







So it was a great trip to Oregon. Beautiful scenery, fun times, and great friends (old and new).

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn

I'm tired.

From darkness comes light and from silence comes sound

There is something a bit intimidating about darkness and silence. Be it a dark room that you hesitate to enter for what awaits you is unknown, or the stark silence of a long moment where sound is absent, each of these brings with them their own feelings of apprehension.

In the midst of darkness and silence we cry out for light, for sound, for anything to break the emptiness of what we are experiencing. The ironic thing is that darkness and silence weave in and out of our lives on a daily basis bringing both fear and peace. But that peace only comes when we know that the darkness and silence are not eternal, are not our destiny. We can appreciate what they bring when we know that light and sound will soon pierce their emptiness and fill our lives with something more.

Not sure why I’m thinking on all of this. Something in my mind is tossing this idea around and I’m just beginning to get some clarity to what I’m figuring out (although it is neither new nor profound but maybe more of a relearning).

I think really it is the beauty of a sunrise that captures so intently the starkness of the piercing of darkness by light. From the blackest of black, the emptiness of night comes forth not just light but an abundance of color that begins at the horizon and spreads across the sky shutting out the darkness. The amazing thing is that without the darkness the sunrise would not be as spectacular, for light among light blends together and the brilliancy of it is lost within its equal. But when contrasts of darkness and light meet at battle in the dawn, we see in those first few moments just how bright the light is in comparison to darkness.

The same idea plays itself out in silence. Complete, utter silence can be overwhelming, the absence of “white noise” of movement, of life. It feels so lonely amongst the silence. As if you are the only person living and yet you’re not even sure you are in fact living because even the sound of your breath is silenced. And then in the midst of nothing comes forth sound. Even a sharp peeling of an alarm sounds harmonious in that stark nothingness. And yet if silence is intruded by a beautiful melody or one long perfect note, there is so much comfort and warmth in that sound. For rhythm brings life and harmony. In the emptiness of silence a note, a melody, a song brings with it the knowledge we are not alone.

And so from both light and sound come life, a beautiful bounty of life.

Pondering on this reminds me of a section from C.S. Lewis’s The Wizard’s Nephew (the prequel to The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe). The imagery of this scene says in words more wondrous and melodious than my own what I think of when I picture light and sound piercing darkness and silence.

And really it was uncommonly like Nothing. There were no stars. It was so dark that they couldn’t see one another at all and it made no difference whether you kept your eyes shut or opened. Under their feet there was a cool, flat something, which might have been earth, and was certainly not grass or wood. The air was cold and dry and there was no wind.

In the darkness something was happening at last. A voice had begun to sing. It was very far away and Digory found it hard to decide from what direction it was coming. Sometimes it seemed to be coming from all directions at once. Sometimes he almost thought it was coming out of the earth beneath them. There were no words, there was hardly even a tune, but it was, beyond comparison, the most beautiful noise he had ever heard. It was so beautiful he could hardly bear it.

Then, two wonders happened at the same moment. One was that the Voice was suddenly joined by other voices; more voices than you could possibly count: cold, tingling silvery voices. The second wonder was that the blackness overhead, all at once, was blazing with stars. They didn’t come out gently one by one as they do on a summer evening. One moment there had been nothing but darkness; next moment a thousand, thousand points of light leaped out – single stars, constellations, and planets, brighter and bigger than any in our world. The new stars and the new voices began at exactly the same time. If you had seen and heard it, as Digory did, you would have felt quite certain that it was the stars themselves which were singing and that it was the First Voice, the deep one, which had made them appear and made them sing.

The Voice on the earth was now louder and more triumphant; but the voices in the sky, after singing loudly with it for a time, began to get fainter. And now something else was happening. Far away, and down near the horizon, the sky began to turn grey. A light wind, very fresh, began to stir. The sky, in that one place grew slowly and steadily paler. You could see shapes of hills standing up dark against it. All the time the Voice went on singing. It was soon light enough for them to see one another’s faces. The two children had open mouths and shining eyes; they were drinking in the sound, and they looked as if it reminded them of something.

The eastern sky changed from white to pink and from pink to gold. The Voice rose and rose, till all the air was shaking with it. And just as it swelled to the mightiest and most glorious sound it had yet produced, the sun arose.

Digory had never seen such a sun. You could imagine that it laughed for joy as it came up. And as its beams shot across the land the travellers could see for the first time what sort of place they were in. It was a valley of mere earth, rock and water; there was not a tree, not a bush, not a blade of grass to be seen. The earth was of many colours: they were fresh, hot and vivid. They made you feel excited; until you saw the Singer himself, and then you forgot everything else.

It was a Lion. Huge, shaggy and bright, it stood facing the risen sun. Its mouth was wide open in song and it was about three hundred yards away. The Lion was pacing to and fro about that empty land and singing his new song. It was softer and more lilting than the song by which he had called up the stars and the sun; a gentle rippling music. And as he walked and sang the valley grew green with grass. It spread out from the Lion like a pool. It ran up the side of the little hills like a wave.

The Magician’s Nephew by C.S. Lewis. Copyright © C.S. Lewis Pte. Ltd. 1955.

Bleary Eyed Morning

Well people I have nothing of great worth to share, so I will tickle your fancy with a play by play of my night and morning.

COULD NOT SLEEP LAST NIGHT. In fact I looked at the clock about 15 times between midnight and 6:30 when my alarm went off.

NOT A HAPPY CAMPER.

Tired, but in a caffeine induced state at the moment so I am actually a bit hyper and jumpy.

Will likely crash around 2 pm and have to crawl under my desk and take a nap a la George Costanza.

Feel free to comment here or look at my post below and join in the craziness of comment overload. Let's see if we can hit 200.

I will try and psot something of worth later after the caffeinated states subsides and my brain returns to normal function.

Ask a question, or two, or twenty

I'm still playing principal (notice the "pal"), so my mind is henceforth focused on all things elementary such as: scraped knees, lost homework, running in the halls, and rained out lunch time at the playground. Therefore, I ask you, dear internet, to supply the direction for this post.

Ask me a question, any question, and I will answer it. Is there something you've always wanted to know? Is there something you just think would be fun to ask? Are you wondering what is behind curtain number 2?

Well just ask. It's up to you.

Peanut gallery participation is a must on this one.

Being in charge isn't always fun

By some fluke of reality I am the big cheese of my school for the next two days. Obviously, they were ill informed as to my leadership ability.

Therefore, busy would be the word of the day today and you can throw in crazy as well.

I'm off to rule the school.