Tough Day

I'm tired . . . . emotionally, mentally, spiritually.

Not much to say.

Prayers appreciated.

Home

Playing catch-up, doing some thinking, missed my bed.

That's all.

Leaving on a jet plane (again)

I'm heading home.

This trip was part vacation and part exploration. And now I'm about to start the decompression and decision-making part of the experience.

Returing to "reality" doesn't sound so appealing at the moment.

Decisions, decisions, decisions

Is flipping a coin a viable option for making a big decision?

Nope, I'm not getting out of this this that easily. It's funny how a decision you have to make can stick in your head. One minute you're thinking about a root beer float (yummmmmmm) and the next minute you're evaluating a pro and con list debating the merits of choosing one thing over another. Ugh, where is the off switch for my brain.

Oh well, decisions are a part of life. We choose, we take a step out and we see what happens.

On a much better note, I'm having a blast in my super-secret location. Good people, good times, good food, just lots and lots of good.

I will share this little gem of the male gender. A friend recently stated the following:

"You know how guys are unable to multi-task? Well this morning as I was getting ready I was debating on whether to shave or not. So I was standing there with my toothbrush in one hand and shaving gel in the other. (got an idea where this is going?) Next thing I know I give about four swipes of the toothbrush on my teeth and I'm foaming like a rabid dog. This is why guys should never multi-task."

Ahahahahahaha, yetch shaving gel taste. Poor guy, but I laughed so I guess I don't feel that bad for him.

Ahhh the things we become famous for

It's official, I'm now known the world over for falling down. In fact, this very unappreciated talent is in such high demand a friend actually asked me to create a diversion for her.

It seems her plan was for me to thow myself upon the floor (by accidnet of course, or at least it would appear that way) so that all eyes would be on me and not her as she snuck in a donation of school supplies to her church. I'm not sure why such a distraction was needed upon donating school supplies, maybe she didn't want people to see the massive amount of disney princesses (princessi? help with the plural form or princess) paraphanelia. I, of course, turned down this offer. I only fall down in public for my own personal humiliation or for lots and lots of money. I mean, come on, I have principles and pride you know.

So yes, I am a professional faller. This skill had been honed over many years of just tripping or slipping or stumbling. That stuff is for the beginners, but when you reach the heights of falling you have arrived.

And for all of you that laugh at my falling I will now make you feel a bit of guilt. See as a child I was knock-kneed and pigeon toed (at least I think that is what I was) and therefore I was required to wear braces on my legs. Metal contraptions that immobilized my knees and ankles. A little patent white laced up bootie was attached to a metal cage that surrounded my cute little one year old legs all the way up to my hiney. In fact if I leaned just perfect all my weight was positioned on the padded thigh masters (as they will now be referred to) and I could sit while standing. Now don't you feel bad for laughing. I was a poor kid in braces. A cute little blonde girl with a bright smile and braces on my little legs. The guilt should be seeping into your soul right now.

I wonder if the fact that I was a child prodigy when it came to walking some how hindered my ability to walk without falling down. For my mother loves to tell me that I up and walked at 8 months. It seems that I was quickly bored with crawling and knowing that I would be competing with the double-mint twins (my sisters) in a little over a year I needed to establish my hold on the cuteness and master of the universe title. So walking at a young age seemed like the way to go about my plan of world domination. Unfortunately for me I see mto have succomed to the price of such young stardom with the braces and now with the falling.

So I fall. Ok, ok, I fall a lot. I trip on flat land. I stumble up and down stairs. I roll my ankles while standing still. I see it more as a talent than a curse. I fall with grace for I learned long ago how to contort my body to do the least amount of harm when suffering from my occassional (read: constant) falling.

At least it brings entertainment to others. And if my impact on this world is to make people smile and laugh at the expense of a little falling than I am willing to give that of myself.

See it's really a gift to all of you. I fall, you laugh, the world is a better place.

My Own Happy Thoughts

Corny Dogs
Wiggling your toes in the sand and ocean
Mispronouncing ever road sign
The smell of fresh garlic bread
Driving with the windows down and not sweating
Laughing with a friend

*updated*
sitting outside on the porch having a great talk with a wonderful gal
new friends that feel like old

Good stuff

I'm here

I arrived.

Good times, good friends, just good stuff.

I'm in for 10 days of beautiful weather, beautiful scenery and lots of new adventures.

What can be any better?

Leaving on a jet plane

Ok, so maybe it isn't a jet plane but I am leaving. My bags are packed, I'm hitting the road (or air) and going on VACATION. Ahhhhh what a lovely word.

No fear, my lovely minions (HA, that made me laugh- I should be paying all of you to come and read the craziness that spews forth from my noggin) I will probably be blogging from my destination. Although, I can't tell you my destination because then my whole spy mission will be compromised and the guys in suits won't like that very much.

So tune in for secret, mysterious, and clandestine blogging in the near future.

"Save That"

On the morning radio show I tune into they often call out those words when someone says something that obviously by-passed the internal filter that exists between the brain and the mouth. Nothing compares to actually having taped proof of a stupid or just plain idiotic comment.

I've often wanted to carry a mini-recorder around with me so that I could have evidence of such instances that my friends fall victim to. Unfortunately, I think I am the chief offender of saying something that makes perfect sense in my mind and yet comes out as a highly entertaining sound bite.

For instance, today, I was instant messaging with a friend about the heat here in Texas and typed this phrase:

"dude i grew up with 100+ temps and high humidity, i'm a freakin swamp monster"

Ummmmmm, yep, this would be one of those moments that the phrase "save that" would be uttered.

An open letter to myself

Dear Katie,

Well putting this up on the internet will serve a few purposes, public humility being one, forced vulnerability being another, and some good accountability to own up to what you say all the time and live it being the third.

I, being you (don’t worry you aren’t crazy, although you do talk to yourself), have decided that it’s time to have a “come to Jesus” talk. See you’ve slipped into what I like to call the funk. It’s an easy place to be, all “whoa is me” and all and you do a good job digging yourself deeply into it. But you know what? You’re not yourself when you’re in the funk. You become some other person that I, again being you, don’t really like all that much.

So I’ve decided that we (uh oh, now I’m talking about us in multiples, you might be a tad bit crazy but don’t worry it isn’t anything significant) are going to make some changes here.

First off . . . . . you are a strong girl, take advantage of that. And when I’m talking about being strong I mean that you are secure in who you are and more than that, secure in who made you. Life is going to throw you some curves but you know how to roll with it. And more important, it’s not on your shoulders my dear. You think you have to handle it all, but in fact, you’re not the one in control. With all your talk about faith and how big your God is, you seem to leave Him to a minor role in the inner workings of your life. Do you think He isn’t there every time you take a step? Do you think He’s off with someone else more worthy of His time when you come to the hard parts of life? Nope, He’s there right beside you, just like He promised. Take a moment to lift your eyes and see.

Ok now on to another thing. Tomorrow is not worth your worry today. There isn’t anything you can do to control it, to change it, to predict it, or even to be sure it will come. So stop spending so much of your thoughts, your emotions, and your time on tomorrow. Show up for today, experience all the things that are there in front of you, all the opportunities that you pass by while you’re looking ahead, and live the life in front of you. Every moment of today in your life was made especially for you. Every thing you will experience, every person you will interact with, every breath you take is here for a reason. Live it. And live it with joy, live it with excitement, live it with hope. This world will serve you up enough troubles, don’t go looking for them.

Speaking of tomorrow. The reason it isn’t worth your worry is because He’s already there. Got that? God is already in tomorrow. Wherever your feet take you, whatever joys or sorrows are destined, He’s there already. All the faith you have stored up in Him from the past, all the faith you cling to today, go ahead and let yourself believe that it will carry you through tomorrow. You don’t know the future (sorry, you stood in the wrong line when spiritual gifts were being handed out) but you know the One who is in the future. So if you want to focus your eyes and mind on tomorrow, then focus on the fact that the same God who got you through yesterday, is here with you today, is already there and waiting on you.

You’re stepping out and making changes. Some will be lead to big face-plants (that’s ok, you’ve done that before and the scars heal). Some will lead to exciting new opportunities and joys. But one thing is for sure, you’re not going to get anywhere unless you take that first step. You got some good advice the other day: “Get started”.

So really I’m just asking you to be you, cause you haven’t been you for a bit of time now. Other people might not have noticed it (you’re getting pretty good at the whole acting thing) but I know you pretty well. So start believing what you say, and start living what you believe.

Thank you,
Yourself

It's the big THREE-OH

Jes of Chirky (the artist formerly known as Just Say Jes and soon to be known as only a symbol) is celebrating a birthday on Thursday. And alas, she will not be the big THREE-OH as my title asssumes instead she will be a nice even 28.

I tried to talk her into turning 30 so that she would experience that age before me but she has decided against this and I am a bit disappointed in her willingness to suffer for our friendship. But since her birthday is coming up I won't hold it against her (for now at least).

But her turing the only somewhat smaller than the bit THREE-OH, 28 brings up an interesting semantics lesson. What exactly is 28? Is it the "upper 20's"? the "late 20's"? is it *gasp* "almost 30"? I tended to refer to my prior year of existence, 27, as part of the general "mid 20's" and yet now that I am approaching the cliff of insanity, 29, i figured I should prepare myself by saying I am in my "upper 20's" or "late 20's".

Mind you I am often asked what my major is in college and where I go to school, and if my mommy knows I'm out so late on a school night (ok maybe not the last one). The point is that even in my "late 20's" I'm still holding on to the youthful glow of innocence - ha if they only knew.

So my question is, when I hit the big THREE-OH, can I call them the "20's plus" or maybe the "20's supersized" or even just the "later 20's". You know just for the first few years in the new decade, cause really what is the difference between 28 and 32? I mean when I'm 32 I assume I will finally look like I'm 28, so why not call myself that. I heard that perception becomes reality so if I am perceived of being young, i might as well make that my own reality.

Ok all you "20's pluses" feel free to give me a hard time for all my whining and such. But do so at your own risk cause you've all passed the big THREE-OH and I have no problem fighting back.

Oh and happy pre-emptive birthday to Jes. Let's celebrate a day early.

Knowing the difference

God won’t always give you what you want, but He will always provide what you need.

This statement has turned over and over again in my head lately. When a statement, which to another person might seem plain and inconsequential, sticks in my head it’s usually because it applies so perfectly to my life that I can’t imagine someone else has through words put a voice to a deep abiding feeling or thought that haunts my heart and mind.

Then the idea, the concept, the truth wraps itself around my heart and squeezes at the very fears and doubts that have taken root deep within me. I find myself telling other people the idea, sharing it with someone to ease a burden, challenging a younger girl with the truth that is so hard to grasp and hold on to, and finding the words coming to mind in the silent spaces of my questioning.

God won’t always give you what you want, but He will always provide what you need.

Hard words to accept.

Harder words to accept as they are offered . . . . in love.

From childhood we confuse wants and needs. For wants are born of a desire fully within ourselves. They come from many places, some selfish, some selfless, but wants always find their root in us. Needs are different. They are not things we create in and by ourselves, needs exist before we exist. They are timeless and not bound by the whims of our fancy. You could say that wants are fully human while needs are fully divine.

We need water to survive. We want a Dr. Pepper to quench our thirst. The want is driven fully by our preference; it is fully rooted in us, in humanity. The need is a concept of creation, for our bodies were made with the necessity of water, it is part of God's design of man. The water will meet our need; the Dr. Pepper will fulfill our want. A simplistic example but it fits.

But let’s move past the simplistic to areas a bit closer to the heart, for we can give a laundry list of our wants (Christmas and birthdays seem to be opportune times for these) but there are those wants we hold a bit closer to our hearts. The wants that might only be spoken in the quietness of solitude, or maybe whispered in prayer, and all too often remain silent longings that can’t even be placed in words. These wants take on a significance that moves them past a simple want to a desire. And with any desire, our hearts get involved, our hopes are lifted, and we bring them to God to ask of Him to give them to us. And often somewhere in the midst of all this we have convinced ourselves that this is exactly what we need.

There we find the conflict. For we have moved a want that was born deep within ourselves to a need, that is formed outside of ourselves. Remember the Dr. Pepper and the water, both will satisfy thirst but one was created to meet our need and the other was created to fulfill our want.

I find myself mourning the wants that I don’t receive. I see only my wants, blind to my needs. I see only the temporal, the immediate, the best of what is right before my eyes, and all the things that litter the road behind me, things that I wanted but never received. I find myself arguing with God trying to convince Him that my wants really are needs, that what I have determined to be best for me is better than what He knows. And often I end up angry and hurt that God withheld from me what I wanted so desperately, what I had desired for so long and with so much of myself. I find myself questioning His love because that which I found that I wanted so much was not something He choose to give me.

And yet God is my creator, who made me exactly as He designed, knowing all of who I was, am, and will become, and He knows my needs. For my needs are not born of the moment, they aren’t formed by the temporal, and they aren’t dictated by the visible. Just as God created me, He created my needs and He knew exactly what provision would meet my needs. Provision that would come by His hand.

God knows the difference between a want and a need. He sees how one will satisfy me for a moment but will in the end never quench that which I really seek. For, in all honesty, it is the needs that my heart desires. Those desires are built deep within me, created for just that moment when God will provide for each need. The urgency of the immediate wants masks the deep seeded desires of the needs.

But knowing the difference is hard for us, hard for me.

God won’t always give you what you want, but He will always provide what you need.

Maybe it is there that contentment is found, that mysterious place of seemingly magical perfection where we are satisfied with exactly what we have at the moment. Contentment has always seemed so unreachable to me, a mirage that changes and shifts, something we seek for but never really find. And yet I think it rests right there, smack in the middle of that statement, right there in the difference between want and need.

I think I now understand better Paul when he spoke to the Philippians about the secret of being content.

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
Philippians 4: 12-13

Maybe the “do everything” wasn’t being able to overcome a great obstacle or do something so outside of our abilities, but living, simply living somewhere in the midst of the beautiful magical perfection of contentment because God had given him the strength to know the difference.

God won’t always give you what you want, but He will always provide what you need.

“I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” – knowing the difference.

I want to trade the frustrating and painful place of disappointment in not receiving my wants for the sweet land of contentment where I trust that He has and always will provide for all I need.

I'm working on knowing the difference.

And that was the moment that I had to actually say outloud "Katie stop talking"

I went to the movies on Saturday night with my friend Kristi and two of her friends and we had a good time watching Pirates of the Caribbean - Dead Man's Chest (second time to see it in as many days . . . I'm not weird or anything).

I’ve mentioned before that I am a bit “particular” (not read as high maintenance thank you) about going to the movies and seeing the previews. I’m always so excited to see what new flicks are coming up. So there was a preview for a movie last night that drove me to utter the words in the title.

This particular preview started out and it wasn’t really grabbing my attention, something about a space rover sent to mars in 2003 and some confidential video footage that was our only warning. You see the video and a shadow of a robot that destroys the rover. I wasn’t all that impressed until the name of the movie showed up on the screen.

TRANSFORMERS

This was when I began to bounce in my seat. I was able to contain my excitement until after the movie when our group piled in the car and began talking about the movie and the previews.

Me: “I’m so excited about the Transformers movie."

My friend Kristi: “Me too . . . wait I’m thinking of voltron”

Barry (kristi's friend): “Oh in Voltron they were cats"

ME: "Yes, transformers were the machines that turned into robots like Optimus Prime was a big rig.”

Kristi: “Oh yeah now I remember”

Me: in a sing-song voice “Transformers, more than meets the eye”

Silence

Me: “Katie stop talking”

Laughter

Uhhh, so yeah I’m all about making an impact in my first impression.

"What the freak? Jack-face"

You never really know what might come out of my mouth when someone turns right in front of me. I, of course, choose random name-calling instead of using my horn (specifically since I drive a foreign car and the horn could be mistaken for the squeak of a play-mobile toy).

Also I delight in giving friends fun catch phrases that they can use in future conversations. This specific phrase is a fav of one "Bianca The Flasher" (which I have dubbed as her new superhero name).

Rain, rain, go away . . .

It’s like peanut butter and jelly, Ben and Jerry, Batman and Robin, little league baseball and hotdogs . . . . . . BEACH and SUN.

Ahhhh but somebody didn’t get the memo and my 4th of July included the beach and very little sun. I was all prepared. I had packed my sunscreen (I’m practically a ghost here with my fair complexion), a fun cowboy hat for the beach, a book to read while I lounged listening to the surf, and plenty of tank tops and shorts. Not on my list were sweatshirts (or any long sleeve shirts at that) or pants (I brought two pairs of capris that saw a lot of wear time). I was ready and willing to soak up the sun but the sun obviously didn’t want to be soaked. Stupid sun.

So what do you do when in a beach cabin (ON THE BEACH PEOPLE – sand and surf only a few steps from my door) and the weather doesn’t want to cooperate? You make do. (Well you whine a little bit but you suck it up and pull on your boots to be a trooper).

Oh well, I got to spend time with my family and eat some good seafood. And on the 4th we had a family reunion of sorts and I got to see the people you’re related to but really don’t see all that often. And I got to eat my grandpa’s GUMBO. That was worth all the stinky weather and such.

Oh and I got to take a nice walk on the beach with my I-pod and then I got to shoot fireworks out at the ocean (thankfully the weather broke for a few hours on the night of the 3rd so we had some pyromaniac fun). Nothing beats holding a roman candle in your hand while debating whether to light it in the charcoal grill or use one of those punks that don't seem to work (ahahaha don’t worry I’m not that crazy and stupid).

Hope everyone had a good weekend and celebrated like champs.

Oh and on our trip into Galveston I had to snap a pic of this. Yep, I own my own seafood market and never knew.

Happy Thoughts and Fortune Cookies

So I'm a sucker for fortune cookies. First, they are great cookies, not too sweet. They are also kitschy enough to make them worthwhile. I like reading the fortune too and collecting them.

I'm also stuck on Happy Thoughts calendars. This traces back to my summers at kamp when the leadership staff would gather round and read off the happy thoughts for the day (and make a few alterations to personalize them for kamp life).

For the last few months I've been carrying a fortune around in my wallet. Funny how a little slip of paper you find stuffed in a cookie can bring a smile to your face everytime you reach for your liscense. And then today as I read through my happy thoughts for the last few days (I've been out of town) I came across a good one that made me smile.

Now I'm not saying that fortune cookies or happy thoughts calenders are prophetic but I'm all for the little cheering section they offer me as I go through life. And at this point I'm looking for encouragement in unlikely places for the new steps ahead.

Fortune: This summer you will dance to a different beat
Happy Thought: The courage to make a big change