Thursday, July 13, 2006

An open letter to myself

Dear Katie,

Well putting this up on the internet will serve a few purposes, public humility being one, forced vulnerability being another, and some good accountability to own up to what you say all the time and live it being the third.

I, being you (don’t worry you aren’t crazy, although you do talk to yourself), have decided that it’s time to have a “come to Jesus” talk. See you’ve slipped into what I like to call the funk. It’s an easy place to be, all “whoa is me” and all and you do a good job digging yourself deeply into it. But you know what? You’re not yourself when you’re in the funk. You become some other person that I, again being you, don’t really like all that much.

So I’ve decided that we (uh oh, now I’m talking about us in multiples, you might be a tad bit crazy but don’t worry it isn’t anything significant) are going to make some changes here.

First off . . . . . you are a strong girl, take advantage of that. And when I’m talking about being strong I mean that you are secure in who you are and more than that, secure in who made you. Life is going to throw you some curves but you know how to roll with it. And more important, it’s not on your shoulders my dear. You think you have to handle it all, but in fact, you’re not the one in control. With all your talk about faith and how big your God is, you seem to leave Him to a minor role in the inner workings of your life. Do you think He isn’t there every time you take a step? Do you think He’s off with someone else more worthy of His time when you come to the hard parts of life? Nope, He’s there right beside you, just like He promised. Take a moment to lift your eyes and see.

Ok now on to another thing. Tomorrow is not worth your worry today. There isn’t anything you can do to control it, to change it, to predict it, or even to be sure it will come. So stop spending so much of your thoughts, your emotions, and your time on tomorrow. Show up for today, experience all the things that are there in front of you, all the opportunities that you pass by while you’re looking ahead, and live the life in front of you. Every moment of today in your life was made especially for you. Every thing you will experience, every person you will interact with, every breath you take is here for a reason. Live it. And live it with joy, live it with excitement, live it with hope. This world will serve you up enough troubles, don’t go looking for them.

Speaking of tomorrow. The reason it isn’t worth your worry is because He’s already there. Got that? God is already in tomorrow. Wherever your feet take you, whatever joys or sorrows are destined, He’s there already. All the faith you have stored up in Him from the past, all the faith you cling to today, go ahead and let yourself believe that it will carry you through tomorrow. You don’t know the future (sorry, you stood in the wrong line when spiritual gifts were being handed out) but you know the One who is in the future. So if you want to focus your eyes and mind on tomorrow, then focus on the fact that the same God who got you through yesterday, is here with you today, is already there and waiting on you.

You’re stepping out and making changes. Some will be lead to big face-plants (that’s ok, you’ve done that before and the scars heal). Some will lead to exciting new opportunities and joys. But one thing is for sure, you’re not going to get anywhere unless you take that first step. You got some good advice the other day: “Get started”.

So really I’m just asking you to be you, cause you haven’t been you for a bit of time now. Other people might not have noticed it (you’re getting pretty good at the whole acting thing) but I know you pretty well. So start believing what you say, and start living what you believe.

Thank you,


Blogger JLR said...

oh, i've had that talk with myself! I found it to be helpful, too. Well, it led me to law school, so maybe not that helpful. But it did make me feel better. Here's to you having many funk-free days ahead.

7/13/2006 3:08 PM  
Blogger JLR said...

Oh, I just had a BRILLIANT idea! In order that we can all be your accountability partners, you should post on your blog every day "Today I am funk-free" or "today I am funk-full." Or funk-ish. Or funkified.

Ok, maybe it's not brilliant, but it's fun. Or fun-ky. like me! I am fun-ky.

Ok, now I think I've lost it.

but we're here for you.

7/13/2006 3:10 PM  
Blogger Katie said...

JLR - you are cracking me up (which scores you tons of points) . . . aren't you supposed to be studying so you can represent me in my stuffed cow lawsuit?

And I may have to have a Funk-o-meter installed in this joint to warn people

7/13/2006 3:13 PM  
Blogger Ben said...

Yeah. What She Said...

(Somehow, all of this seems vaguely familiar.)

7/13/2006 3:31 PM  
Blogger JLR said...

that's a great idea! then we could all get into a debate about whether it should be pronounced "funkometer", like "thermometer" or pronounce each section equally funk-o-meter, like skate-o-rama.

Why do we pronounce thermometer like ther-MOM-eter? Why isn't it thermo-meter? That is my official challenge to the blogworld today. Go out and use the word thermometer, pronounce it thermo-meter, and say it with a straight face. Dare someone to call you on it and correct you. Then say "that's what I said" (also with a straight face).

Yes, I am supposed to be studying. You can tell because I'm commenting on blogs today way more than I usually do. Procrastination and denial.

7/13/2006 3:31 PM  
Blogger Jayleigh said...

I could have written that to me for the last two weeks.


You are awesome Katie. And even though you're a wee babe in arms compared to me, I really look up to you. You are incredibly fun and funny, and levelheaded at the same time. How is that even possible?

God is awesome. You'll be out of the funk soon enough.

7/13/2006 5:44 PM  
Blogger Shelley said...

Words I need to hear. Thanks for sharing this Katie. I know I need to just "do it", but I don't know what I need to do: go after my M. Div in christian education, try again next year for the B.Ed. (though I really don't know if I want to do this anymore), or what...I just wish God would say "I want you to do this..." and be specific about it.

7/13/2006 9:06 PM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

I LOVE this!! I might just have to print it out and plaster it to my bedroom mirror and read it out loud to myself as I look at myself in the mirror... watching myself read back to myself what I'm reading... to... myself.

Um... or! I might just come back and read it on your site and NOT be crazy!

Just a thought... :)

7/13/2006 9:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"woe is me...not whoa is me."
From an English major who cares...

7/14/2006 9:44 AM  
Anonymous jes said...

Katie, are you also going to mail this letter to yourself?

Because I was thinking, while I was reading this Open Letter to Yourself, that I should write more letters to myself. And then I was thinking that it would be THAT MUCH FUN-NER if I actually mailed them to myself on pretty stationery, and maybe with a gift inside. Like a stick of gum. Or a marble.

7/14/2006 9:54 AM  
Anonymous jes said...

(Ha! Anonymous, I caught that, too, and then I thought: "Well, maybe she actually meant "WHOA! Is me." Like, Whoa! It's me!, or Whoa! That dog is coming at me pretty quickly with its teeth bared!, or Whoa! I'm feeling kind of hungover!")

7/14/2006 9:56 AM  
Blogger Katie said...

Ha, thanks anonymous english major . . . yes I was going for the "woe is me" although "whoa is me" fits with the craziness of this post

Thanks, I'm always a fan of the anon editing.

7/14/2006 10:56 AM  
Blogger Katie said...

and HA, Anonymous is that you Bianca?

7/14/2006 10:57 AM  
Blogger Aim Claim said...

God is already in tomorrow.

What an amazing thought!

You should totally have someone send this to you in about 2 months wherever you might be *wink*

7/16/2006 9:03 PM  

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