The Single Life (which is never simple)
I am a single girl. In the words of Jerry Seinfeld, a great comedic mind: I am only one girl, there are no other girls attached to me. Although that does present an interest topic of Siamese twins or having someone surgically attached to you later in life.
But I digress.
I am a single girl in a single world, and a weird and complicated world it is. There are so many “single” things out there for all us single people. It’s almost like we are our own support group. Denton Bible has a single’s group but I’ve only been once and to be honest it was weird. I’m in a single’s BSF group which is so far ok, no overall weirdness.
So I am venturing out to a single’s BSF fellowship, social or whatever made up word they are using instead of party. When did party become such a bad thing? Why social or fellowship? What to those words specify that party doesn’t and if they do specify something else I hate to tell the world but what we really have are parties.
I have simple expectations at these parties: a little fun, a little talking, a little laughter, and maybe just maybe some yummy snacks. I do not expect to be evaluated for future matehood. Why oh why at “single” parties does it seem that everyone is going through a mental checklist to see if the person they are talking to, or in some cases staring at from across the room, might be “the one”.
Just to let you know if I am your one and you are staring at me from across the room running through your mental checklist, you better start looking for your number two. Is there some secret tattoo on my forehead that says "Single=Desperate, please oh please choose me to be your future wife even though we have never met and you won’t come talk to me but will continue to stare"?
When did a simple party turn in to a job interview? How are you supposed to get to know enough about me to make more than a knee jerk decision about me, when you are evaluating me as if I was a new car you were taking for a test drive? Part of me wants to enter a party and scream out RELAX. I’m here to have fun and maybe just maybe make a new friend or acquaintance.
I’m not bitter, and I know that usually means that I am, but I’m really not bitter. I just DO NOT UNDERSTAND. Singles, marrieds, somewhere in between, someone please help me with this.
I want everyone to know that this was my original topic as referenced in UGGGGHHHH. While I know that this is nowhere near the caliber of that fine piece of literature it will due for now. I still thumb my nose at the internet but I am willing to let go of my frustration and move on.
posted by Katie @ 3:41 PM
5 Comments:
very interesting question, kt. my thoughts:
maybe the person (people?) at the parties (socials, fellowships) are not in the same place of singlehood-security that you are, and therefore find the need to evaluate every breathing opposite-sex human within a thirty foot radius of themselves.
just ignore the staring, the interviewing, and engage people in conversations that will defy the typical dialogue they might otherwise find. let them know that you're not specifically checking them out, so they don't have to act so obvious about doing it to you (or others).
regarding parties, aka socials, aka fellowships:
PARTIES remind many of college-esque beer-fests in which drunken behavior replaces that which you might find at a BSF gathering.
SOCIALS sound innocent and fun, and since most Kappa Alpha Fight Nights were not followed by "socials" (but rather, drunken-rage parties), it is deemed an acceptable term for BSF gatherings.
FELLOWSHIPs are the equivalent of a social, but give kudos (in the Christian realm) to those planning it because it sounds so much more Christian-esque, since we are to be in fellowship with each other. Even though by attending the "Fellowship" we may not be IN fellowship with each other, we can at least call it that and feel better about ourselves and our gathering because it's not a Party, and much holier than a Social.
KT, JES- thanks to both of you for the extremely kind words on my site, they were so nice people are going to think I paid you to say it!!
KT- guys at singles parties are only there for one thing- to meet women. It is most unfortunate, but true. Guys really don't like putting forth the effort that it takes now days to meet a woman. And, and this is due to some rough experiences using E-Harmony, even after you find someone that is completely compatible with you, sometimes you just don't click!
But, that doesn't mean you aren't right, cause you are- those people do need to RELAX!! Guys need to chill out, girls need to chill out- just because you go on a date it doesn't mean you have to tie the knot with that person. That is part of the problem with Christians, we worry too much about getting to know someone and then it is going to lead either to one place or another-Marriage or Break-Up- and for guys, both seem pretty dangerous!!!
My advice to you is for you to know that you are a women, therefore, you sit in the catbird seat, not only are you a woman, but a beautiful blonde woman. And I don't make those compliments because you said all those nice things about me, it's true. The only thing about you that will scare men away is that you are a very secure strong woman. A woman that can take care of herself, and sometimes men want a woman that they can take care of. Tom said it best, "too many women now days are hard" I think he meant that women have a tough exterior because society has forced women to have a tough exterior- don't be afraid to be vulnerable. Don't be stupid with stupid guys, cause trust me, most of us are very, very stupid, but don't be afraid to let us get close to see the real you. Cause I have seen the real Katie and I find her quite attractive.
whoa, baby! am i hearing a Loooovvvvvvveeeeeee connection?
just kidding! giggle, giggle!
heehee. i'm giggling at my desk right now. ed-d, those are super sweet things to say to (and about) kt. i agree whole-heartedly. though it probably doesn't mean as much coming from me, because i am her (girl) friend. sometimes a woman just needs to hear those same things coming from a man (friend) to make it more truthful. :)
my giggle, giggle comment above reminds me of the noise a turkey makes: gobble, gobble. when considering the sounds i am making right now to suppress my giggling, i kind of do sounds like i'm a turkey.
i'm such a little turkey. my mom used to call me that all the time. :)
sound like a turkey. not sounds like a turkey. i SOUND like a turkey.
get it straight you guys!!!
Wow. I am trying to digest the great information that has been given. Thanks Eddie, I needed to hear all of that - the good stuff is always encouraging and the kind reminder that vulnerability and femaleness is not a bad thing. Jessica - the gobble, gobble about made me lose it, thanks for the comic relief but also for the wise words of a woman newly out of the single scene. I will be optimistic about the party and hey maybe just maybe there are guys out there that are just interested in good conversation and the oppotunity for friendship and they might be there tonight. I'll make sure and post a report on the party.
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