Thursday, August 04, 2005


The red digits teased me this early morning, or should I say the time that does not exist in my world. I realized I was awake and yet I didn’t want to open my eyes. You know how you can just sense that it is not time to get up yet, and if you don’t open your eyes and actually wake-up you can trick your body back into sleeping. Well my body was not falling for any tricks this morning. I was awake, completely. And as I looked at the clock it mocked me with the digits it displayed. There really are no reasons why I should see these numbers unless it is in the middle of the afternoon or I have been having way too much fun all night and am about to flop into bed in the wee hours of the morning.

Something is going on because I have not slept at all the last two nights. Midnight rolls around and I am completely awake, in fact I am more awake than I am at noon. Then I wake up in the middle of the night (4:22 to be precise) and that’s it, I’m up and ready to go. This is disturbing as I am usually a good 7-8 hour sleeper. I love sleeping, I love getting to sleep in. And now I’m not even sleeping until the alarm but 2-3 hours before the alarm. Ugh. This is going to be a problem if it continues on much longer.

I’ve posted before about my sleep routine. Here you go JLR I do have quirks. When I go to sleep it is with a mission. I am going to SLEEP. I have a pretty deep sleep pattern; I can sleep through trains, planes, and automobiles. I also dream, every night, well almost every night. I dream in feature length movies with plot lines, multiple characters, etc (my aunt told me I got that from my grandmother). I can also have a conversation with you in the middle of the night and then completely forget it the next morning.

I also have a theory about waking up. If you do not open your eyes, or only open one really quickly, to check the time then you will be able to more quickly return to the peaceful place I call slumber. Ahhh sleep, slumber, shut eye, those are good words to me. Now don’t think I am some old fogie that goes to bed at 9 p.m. I just like to continue in my slumber once it has begun. Back to my theory. So if you keep your eyes closed you are set. I’ve even mastered the ability to reset my alarm clock with my eyes closed. This in it self is a trick task because my alarm clock is positioned so that I have to lean way out of bed and stretch my go-go-gadget arm to reach it. I then have to use only the fingers of my right hand and stretch them to hold down the alarm button while I punch the minute (or hour – what a treat) and count the minutes I am adding. All of this must be accomplished while still in a slumber-like state so no real hard thinking is allowed, which means not addition or subtraction, just counting 1,2,3,4,5,6 . . . . 30. I like to add time in 15 or 30 minute increments (don’t know why but it is a good number for me.)

There I have a quirk. And I’m now tired. And I have no appetite. What is going on?

This just in . . . . .
Humor is always a good substitute for sleep. So this incident below makes up for at least 30 minutes of the 2.5 hours of sleep I didn’t get last night.

There was a new coffee-like drink in the office, Postum. Our elementary principal was asking about it and our sweet accountant (a kindly grandmother) was describing it to her. This is the part of the conversation I liked:

Millie (grandmother/accountant): “It has malt in it.”

Mrs. Morse (elementary principal): “That says malt liquor, Millie.”

Without missing a beat. Millie: “That’s why I like it.”

These are the women I work with.


Blogger Katie said...

My comment section looks so lonely right now compared with it's sister from yesterday.

8/04/2005 9:58 AM  
Blogger Katie said...

I'll post some interesting things that I found out at 4:22 a.m.

1. This is the optimum time to weigh yourself. Why did I think to step on a scale at this hour? No idea, but hey I was up, the scale was there, why not.

2. Dish Network has a karaoke channel. Seriously. There is something to be said about finding that I have a karaoke channel and then realizing that the song playing at 4:30 am is a Korn song. Hmmm whoever planned that was a party animal to be singing Korn that early/late. And then I ask myself do Korn listeners actually sing karaoke?

3. When the local news tells you the sunrise is at a certain time they really mean that the sun is up and over the horizon at this time. It is not the time that the sky is all red and orange and beautiful. That obviously happened long before the sun rise occurs. Explain that to me someone.

8/04/2005 10:04 AM  
Blogger Eddo said...

Ooh, Millie sounds like my type of granny - she has Moxie!

8/04/2005 10:05 AM  
Blogger whaaaat! said...

Hmmm, don't you hate that? I had a hard time getting to sleep last night too. My wife got upset with me because I figured while I am awake, why not do something so I was about to get up and study my Sunday School lesson. She says yeah, and then she will be in and out of sleep waiting for me to come to bed, so I gave in and just laid there.
I liked your description of your skills with the alarm clock and the Inspector Gadget reference. My son watched that movie last night again. When you have kids, your skills change to being able to get them back in bed with your eyes closed, etc.
And who is Korn? Man, I really am getting old.
Sunrise questions, skills when you are half asleep, I have some new ideas to post about in the future. Thanks.

8/04/2005 10:24 AM  
Blogger Ben said...

Reset your alarm with your eyes closed? WHAT?!?

Two words.

Snooze. Button.

8/04/2005 10:24 AM  
Blogger Amstaff Mom said...

I share your absolute love for sleep. This does not mean that I love to go to bed. Contrare, monfrare. I like to stay up late, sleep in late. Too bad I have to get up at 5:15.

I have two theories/opinions of my own:

1. The sheets/bed feel the best right when the alarm begins going off. Is that when your skin wakes up or something? It says, "ooh, 300 thread count, lovely." That's what mine says at least.

2. I rarely, RARELY wake up once I'm out. My neighbors used to talk about how they woke up at this storm and that storm, at the fireworks, and even the one gunshot. Did I hear it? No way, Jose. It is sweet bliss though, when I do wake up, and I think the clock is going to say 5am and it says 2. Oh what joy that is.

8/04/2005 10:25 AM  
Blogger Amstaff Mom said...

oh!! and I forgot! I say "go-go Gadget arm" ALL THE TIME!!!!! just ask anybody that knows me (in person).

Katie, you are truly my friend.

8/04/2005 10:26 AM  
Blogger Katie said...

Evidence that the first two cups of coffe have not had thier full affect. I read Whaaat's comment thinking it was Ben and then reread it twice and now I think I have it straight.

Ben - the snooze is only 7 minutes long and while I know you are a snooze king (what like 23 times per morning, or is it 12 like the deoderant swipes? now who's sassy?)I like to savor my newfound extra sleep that is why I go for 15 or 30 min increments.

8/04/2005 10:28 AM  
Blogger Katie said...

I do have a fear that I sleep so soundly that one day my poor child will be wailing their head off and I will be dead to the world. I think the special wake up gene activates after childbirth though.

Also I fear that one day I will be swept off to OZ because I slept through the tornado that tears across the plains behind my house and rips off my roof and sucks up my bed in a swirling force. I'm sure I'll just incorporate the wind whiping around me into my dream and wake up in the land of the lollipop guild.

8/04/2005 10:31 AM  
Blogger Katie said...

I have a feeling that I'm not going to get any work done again today.

8/04/2005 10:36 AM  
Blogger Ben said...

Following your theory of sleepativity....

My hitting the snooze button (9 minute snooze on my clock) takes only a fraction of a second compared to your resetting the alarm with your monkey arms. As a result, I hit the snooze button so many times in my sleep that I don't even know how many times I hit it... this morning I slept an additional 99 minutes and I didn't even remember hitting the snooze button 11 times.

8/04/2005 10:42 AM  
Blogger Katie said...

Ben - because of my deep sleepability I must have an alarm that will wake the dead. If my alarm in fact goes off, it causes car alarms in the neighborhood to also go off, and sends a low level earthquake off within a five mile radius. So this occurence happening 11 times would be a pain.

I do not have monkey arms.

8/04/2005 10:49 AM  
Blogger Ben said...


No Kudos for naming your sleep theory?

You probably don't have monkey arms... monkey arms are both long and hairy.

Um.... your arms aren't hairy are they?

8/04/2005 10:57 AM  
Blogger Amstaff Mom said...

I too fear I will not have the "baby wake-up gene". So does my hubby and my in-laws. I can sleep through anything. My Amstaff rarely has accidents or gets sick, but when she does, I sleep right through them. Thankfully, my hubby doesn't.

8/04/2005 10:59 AM  
Blogger Katie said...

Ben, we are so in a fight.

8/04/2005 10:59 AM  
Blogger Ben said...

So your arms ARE hairy.


8/04/2005 11:02 AM  
Blogger Katie said...

No hair, no comment.

8/04/2005 11:11 AM  
Blogger Amstaff Mom said...

KT, yesterday you mentioned a new Starbucks going in. Can I get the precise location of said Starbucks?

8/04/2005 11:16 AM  
Blogger Katie said...

Shopping center on east side of intersection of University and Carroll.

8/04/2005 11:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"My comment section looks so lonely right now compared with it's sister from yesterday."

9:58 AM

This is the reason guys like Bret Michaels never quit singing WAAAAAAY past their prime... always trying to get back to what was once glorious.

8/04/2005 11:20 AM  
Blogger Amstaff Mom said...

REALLY? The one they're remodeling? By New York Sub Hub? Across Univ. from Yummy's? I had NO idea.

8/04/2005 11:24 AM  
Blogger whaaaat! said...

OK, I just thought I was old not knowing who Korn was/is. Now, somebody named Bret Michaels has been singing for a long time and I have no idea who that is. I guess I am just out of touch.

8/04/2005 12:31 PM  
Blogger steve said...

"Poison"... singer for Poison

8/04/2005 12:37 PM  
Blogger whaaaat! said...

Whaaaat's up with a snooze button for 9 minutes? Why not 10 to make it even? Mine is the same way, but the highest I have ever gone is 36 minutes.

You know it's weird that I can wake up when my child is wailing but I don't hear all the other "noises" my wife hears. We have had our worse fights in the middle of the night because "I am not doing my job to protect our family" etc. It's amazing the words we say when we are half asleep.

8/04/2005 12:42 PM  
Blogger Katie said...

And the winner is Steve for Rock Star knowledge. You should also appreciate the Korn reference.

8/04/2005 12:45 PM  
Blogger Amstaff Mom said...

"Every Rose Has Its Thorn"

8/04/2005 12:45 PM  
Blogger Katie said...

AM - Yummys is a BIG YUKKIES. Ugh sick me out, I do not do greek food, or at least not they scary gyro they brought me there the ONE time I went there. Come to think of it, I was with Eddie and Co.

8/04/2005 1:06 PM  
Blogger Amstaff Mom said...

Really? We used to eat there after church all the time. Haven't been there in months though, it got too expensive. I always felt like I stank after eating there too. All the spices in the gyro meat. Hopefully I was just imagining it.

8/04/2005 1:14 PM  
Blogger Ben said...


AND nobody... I repeat NOBODY likes a stanky gyro eater.


8/04/2005 1:18 PM  
Blogger JLR said...


Eddo: you said "moxie." Excellent word choice. We don't use that one enough.

Katie: I'm with you on the sleeping thing. It's on my list of favorite things.

speaking of monkey arms, once in college we had a lengthy discussion about the potential benefits of having monkey arms. It was decided by the smokers in the group that it would be beneficial to have REALLY long arms, because then you could sit in the non-smoking section with your friends and hold your cigarette in the smoking section.

But I think it would work just as well to reset alarm clocks.

AM: when I awake in the mornings, I am at one with the bed. I meld with the bed. But unlike you, I also like going to bed. A lot. A whole lot.

8/04/2005 1:26 PM  
Blogger Amstaff Mom said...

I guess I should clarify. I love it the VERY SECOND that I near the bed. At the first contact of my shin against the dust ruffle, I am SO in love with my bed. For some strange reason, I forget about my obsession between the hours of 10-11pm. That's when I feel a desperate need to read a book. Temporary insanity.

8/04/2005 1:33 PM  

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