Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Proof that clumsy has consequences

Hello all, I know, I know I'm hit or miss lately on posting. It's a combination of new job, busy holiday season, and a small drought of coherent thought in my head. I usually give you a random helping of the insane, the boring, and on rare occasions the insightful and thought-provoking, and yet lately I've just given you re-runs. Bad Kpinion.

I'm still adjusting to all the newness going on in these parts but no fear, my brain didn't get left behind in the move and since it NEVER turns off I've got some things floating up there that might just make a decent blog post, or at least take up some space.

But in the meantime I want to share with you that clumsy does in fact have consequences.

The other morning I happened out of bed and somehow kicked/stubbed/hurled with the velocity of a small projectile my middle toe into my bed frame. Instinctively I must have realized that I should immediately take any weight or pressure off that foot to prevent more damage and that caused me to somehow tumble upon my bed.

Oh the gymnastics don't stop there because it was on the corner of my bed and I somehow slipped off the edge and was careening toward the floor with my face (all the time wanting to say something spelled with number signs and dollar signs and an apersand or two). I expertly threw my body back toward my bed using my non-offending pinky toe as leverage and was able to try and grasp my comforter in a failed attempt at stopping gravity from winning this battle. Instead I landed on my bottom with a thud.

All while I was grasping my phone, because when you are falling and you need both hands to help stop said falling it is better to grasp tighter a cell phone that can offer no assistance in this situation. Unless of course, you do fall and cannot get up and do not own one of those nifty panic buttons they advertise on TV, then a cell phone comes in handy. Although you might die in the interim while you decide who loves you enough to not laugh at you when you explain how you ended up on the floor calling for help.

So there I sat on the floor realizing that I had inflicted a massive amount of pain on this one little toe. I gently lifted my body up and hobbled into the living room to inspect the damage. I've always heard that if you can bend it, it ain't broken but I don't think that applies to toes. When I bend one toe they all bend. It's some sort of muscle/tendon dominoe trick, my toes are all connected and act as one little unit of toes. There can be no individual toe manuevers for the others get jealous and just follow along. So I wiggled my toes and they all seemed to move just fine but the pain was increasing.

Hobbling, I headed to quiet the screaming of said middle toe with a little friend I like to call Alleve. 12 hours of pain relief here I come. Just in case you were wondering, it lied. I was still in pain and decided the only recourse was to prop up my entire foot and watch a movie and use my offending toe as an explanation for why I needed my sister to help me carry boxes to her car later. "My toes is broken" I cried out in such a pitiful voice that she only gave me half a dirty look.

Later that night I took a good look at the toe and it indeed was disfigured and deformed. It's a scary sight to see this long black and red appendage of yours surrounded by its nice pale brothers and sisters. Although I'm not really sure which of my toes are brothers and which ones are sisters, hmmmm. So my toe is black and red and purple, all except the tip. Yep, from the nail up it is as pale as the driven snow, much like the rest of my pasty white albino like skin, dang it people I'm european and have little to no coloring in my skin except for pink, lots and lots of pink and white, I'm pink and white.

I took a picture of my toe and intended to share it with you, but then I thought that might be a little weird, to have a picture of my black and purple toe up on the internet. Although I just got done explaining how weird I am I'm not sure I'm ready to go there with the picture of the toe. So you will just have to imagine what my toe might look like after my clumsy incident.

And that my friends is proof that clumsy has consequences.


Blogger L.L. Barkat said...

Gee, I kind of feel guilty for laughing. But you are, after all, funny. Even if you are, after all, rather black and blue in one little corner of acreage. :)

12/12/2006 4:47 PM  
Blogger Amstaff Mom said...

I have a picture of your toes somewhere. I think. From Jes' apt. But I would have to photoshop it black and red, and I can't do that. So, oh well, no picture of your discolored/disfigured toe.

I'm sorry K-T. That's a bummer. But it was SUCH a good story.

My pinky toes have been broken I don't know how many times. Bless their little hearts.

12/13/2006 3:43 PM  
Blogger Ben said...

I want to see a picture.

It's not weird to post a picture of weird looking toes... that's normal.

12/14/2006 3:11 PM  
Anonymous jes said...

A) You need to see a doctor.


12/14/2006 4:59 PM  

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