Thursday, September 07, 2006

Gifted, if by that you mean special, and really you should have said different, which is just another word for abnormal

My mother loves to tell me that I walked at 8 months, she also likes to recount the time that at the age of 4 or 5 I told my dad and grandpa how to put together the swing set because they were doing it wrong (and I was right), or the time that I decided to empty the fridge in the middle of the night of all its contents and by her extreme ability at self control I am still alive today. Really I’m not sure why my mother enjoys reminiscing about what a pain in the butt child I was, who at the age of two probably had convinced myself that I was the queen of the world (that is until the matching set of minions known as my younger twin sisters entered the world and took the attention away from me). I’m guessing I only survived childhood on angelic looks alone.

It seems that at the tender age of 8 months I, by some sheer act of will and hard headedness, stood up and walked. And just to show the world that I would one day conquer it, I didn’t stumble, didn’t fall (oh all this would come much later) I just stood up and started walking. Now you might assume that I was somehow gifted to accomplish such a feat, but in the subsequent 28 years I have learned that really I was just hard headed. I determined this because the act of walking early seems to have been my downfall for the rest of my standing/walking/and other such actions that require the use of legs years.

The old adage “you must learn to crawl before you learn to walk” should be followed up with “or you will suffer from a total lack of balance and ability to put one foot in front of the other without falling on your face for the rest of your life”. But then again, that doesn’t fit well on a little piece of paper stuffed into a fortune cookie or cross-stitched on a pillow with lace.

Things started off good for me and the whole walking thing, which might lead you to believe that I would become an expert walker, alas this was not to be. I have what we like to call the “gift of falling”. Oh, if you’ve been hanging around these parts for any length of time then you’ve heard of my exploits. For those of you lucky enough to know me in person then you might have even caught the “live” show.

My exploits are famous and wildly entertaining. I’ve found if there is something you’re good at then by gosh make the most of it, even if it is falling down. And I like to think that what others might see as a weakness I view as a talent that I can share with those around me to bring laughter to their day. It’s all about me giving of myself to you. So I have prepared the highlight reel of my greatest acts of falling down.

First we have the video taped one:
In early high school I was on a weekend retreat with my youth group. We were staying at a Christmas tree farm out in the country. In our exploring we came across a large ravine spanned by a tree that had fallen down. Not one to shy away from any opportunity to embarrass myself, I promptly followed my friends as we each took a turn walking across the tree. Of course, all of this was videotaped for posterity. As I made my way out to the middle of the make-shift bridge, one of my leaders turned to the camera and said “She’s a goner”. Her words would prove to be prophetic as I wobbled, attempted to throw my body onto the tree and grab hold for dear life, failed at that, and fell into the ravine which was conveniently filled with water. Let’s just say that I was FAMOUS in my youth group for that showing of my gift, and the video haunted me throughout the rest of high school, pulled from the archives for a good laugh at youth events for years to come.

The college years:
Now it’s one thing to show off my skills in front of friends, but I took it to a whole other level in college one day as I made my way across campus. My school obviously didn’t do any testing of what materials work best in wet weather when walked upon by idiots who are incapable maintaining any normal sense of balance. If they had, they would have determined that an inlaid pebble walkway did not offer the best traction. Minding my own business, I hurried across campus toward my next class oblivious that I would soon be performing for a mass audience. I slipped, flew into the air, landed and in the process threw my purse and backpack out into the crowd. Have you ever experienced a moment where time stands still and you can hear the common gasp of such a large group of people that you wonder if there will be enough oxygen for the next breath? I have. One thing I have learned from all my falling is that you get back up, quickly, and continue on as if you didn’t just make a complete fool out of yourself. Those closest to me, who were knocked out by my flying bags were kind enough to return my new found weapons to me and ask if I was ok. LAUGH, that is the key, laugh at yourself and it puts everyone else at ease. So I laughed, shrugged off the questions of whether I hurt myself and limped on to my next class.

Circus worthy talents:
My gifts are not limited to only standing and walking but also such skills as ball balancing, or lack thereof. As I posted about this before you can read my play-by-play in that old post and then mosey on over to Jes’s site to see handmade drawings no less.
CLICK HERE for my post
CLICK HERE for jes’s post

Now there are many more exploits to share with you, oh so many more. In fact just the other day I almost face planted into the wall as I tripped walking down the stairs and had to leap down the last three steps in a vain attempt to regain my balance. Luckily this adventure ended without me crumbled on the floor with my skirt over my head, but there's always tomorrow.

This is my gift people and I accept it and put it on display with pride.

8 Comments:

Blogger Ben said...

HA!

At least you are proud. They should make a documentary based on your life and your fallings.

9/07/2006 1:06 PM  
Blogger Bobby said...

There's nothing wrong with being clumsy. Of course, sometimes it hurts like the dickens, but there's nothing wrong with it.

9/07/2006 1:13 PM  
Blogger Lorie said...

In our exploring we came across a large ravine spanned by a tree that had fallen down. Not one to shy away from any opportunity to embarrass myself, I promptly followed my friends as we each took a turn walking across the tree. Of course, all of this was videotaped for posterity. As I made my way out to the middle of the make-shift bridge, one of my leaders turned to the camera and said “She’s a goner”. Her words would prove to be prophetic as I wobbled, attempted to throw my body onto the tree and grab hold for dear life, failed at that, and fell into the ravine which was conveniently filled with water.

Okay, I had the SAME experience! Well, minus the videographer, the group of friends and the water. Just ask Christa! She was (luckily, I might add) the sole eye-witness.

We're, like, kindred spirits or something...

9/07/2006 3:58 PM  
Anonymous jes said...

We need to make some sort of T-shirt for you.

Your readers should come up with the slogan.

I'll supply a prize from the closet o' goodness.

9/07/2006 4:43 PM  
Blogger Emily said...

Oh how I feel your pain! My freshmam year of college I fell in the cafeteria with a tray full of food. I broke the plate, plastered myself with food, and the whole place stood up and applauded. And I have many more stories like that!

9/07/2006 11:34 PM  
Blogger Amstaff Mom said...

Jes has a Closet O' Goodness? Wow. I missed that on the tour.

K-T, I love your ability to laugh at yourself. I really do. An admirable quality my friend.

9/08/2006 7:15 AM  
Blogger Katie said...

I think that Lorie, Emily, and I need to start a club, one that doesn't really meet all that often because from what I can gather we all live in different parts of the country, and one that really is more like a support group for people that fall down a lot, but we'll call it a club, and get t-shirts made, and we'll be exclusive, and everyone will start falling down because they want to hang out with such cool chicks like ourselves.

9/08/2006 8:36 AM  
Blogger Emily said...

Let's do it!

9/08/2006 11:37 AM  

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