Not blonde in a ditzy way, just blonde in a very-light-colored-hair-true-blonde-coloring-way-and-it’s-natural-not-bottled, much-like-the-Vikings-were-

Is there anyway to get a t-shirt made with this on it? Ha Ha Ha Ha. Jessica, my hilarious friend posted this as a description of me. She also went on to say that I’m not a ditzy blonde but a smart blonde like Condoleezza Rice, although she is not blonde, nor Viking looking, but I’ll take the compliment all the same.

Speaking of Jessica, she is my “blog guru”, or “blog coach”, similar to “life coach” but not that co-dependent.

Note to the reader: I like to think of myself as a grammar extraordinaire, or maybe and extraordinaire-in-training, as I work with three top notch grammar spies. That is, in my work correspondence and writing I try to always adhere to all grammatical and punctuation rules of life. In blog world I realize that these rules do not always apply and can, in some instances, hinder the story-telling aspect of the post. Therefore, I would entreat my readers to use actual “air quotes” when they see them placed in text. Yes, that means that as you read I want you to take your index and middle fingers bend them in a semi-circle and returning to straight (twice, I suggest) as you read any words or phrases that contain the “air quotes”. That was a test, did you do it when you saw the “air quotes”? Did you do it again? Ok well get practicing and I think that this action will help you to enjoy my posts and also strengthen those finger muscles that may not get the amount of exercise they deserve.

Now back to your original programming . . . . . . . .

I’ve felt some pressure lately as to the quality and quantity of my posts on kpinion. I have been busy at work, stressed with deadlines, and feeling a lack of that special spark of creativity and humor that seems to be a must for a good post. Well my “blog coach” (Did you do the air quotes?) suggested that I just start typing and see what comes out. So here you go, the following is my random typing of what is in my mind.

Traffic-
If there was ever a thing that I truly hate it is traffic. This may be a symptom of my lack of patience. I hate traffic, it actually makes my internal body temperature rise by at least 5 degrees. I am convinced that most traffic is caused, not by accidents or construction, but by stupid people who do not know how to drive. Why oh why do some people feel that they can choose a lane, choose a speed, and no force may move them. Who are these people who drive five miles under the speed limit and park themselves in the passing lane (which of course is labeled by signage on the side of the road)? Who are these people who feel they must pace the driver next to them, thereby causing a backup of absolute proportions behind their cozy couple driving? Why oh why have they not invented flying cars, like I drew in first grade when I pictured the year 2000? Flying cars would solve this problem as we could dart not just right and left but up an down.

Friends-
Why is it that I forget how much fun it is to get together with a group of friends and eat some food, talk a little bit, and have a good time with each other? I did so last night and it was surprisingly refreshing, humorous, and overdue. Oh the things we talked about, experienced, and did. Below is a recollection of the evening:

Bathhouses with needle showers, mayonnaise massages, and old women bathing you
Don’t worry the bather-giver said that it was just like going to Walmart, of course if everyone at Walmart was NAKED

Difficulty reading a menu and ordering – our poor waiter, I think he told us the answers to the same questions over and over and over again, but he was a good sport about it

Singing “Happy Birthday” (btw these are not air quotes they are in substitution of italics because this is the name of a song) in Italian over and over again without actually singing it to anyone in particular – and singing it louder than any of the waiters did to any of the other birthday patrons. Jessica advising us that the word for birthday sounded like gory.

Jessica giving career advice to our waiter on graphic design. You would think that she was a recruiter.

Nicolle amazing us all with her life motto – “Live or die. Or whatever” I’m going to make a t-shirt with this printed on it.

Erica’s (and I quote from her most recent email) – “inappropriate fascination with meaty balls”

The waiter at the next table spilling water all over some poor girl and the frantic clean up and pr issues that ensued, of course we paid little attention because we were in crazy talk, laughter, singing mode

The memories of birthday parties, roommates, and what we wore to both or in front of both – Jessica at her surprise party – “Sad.”

Our waiter announcing he was turning 30 in a few months when he looked no older than 18, maybe just maybe 20.

Bread and octopi overload. Ok so not octopi but squid, with their little baby tentacles attached to the polyps and Jessica making her’s dance in the dipping sauce. Freak me out.

Me moving my olives and peppers to Jessica’s salad during the prayer and her unknowingly then removing them from her salad. Ha Ha Ha Ha

Liver parmesan and dog food meaty balls – two things that Jessica called the food, over and over and over again, and fairly loudly. Then telling the waiter her chicken tasted like liver.
Jessica and I spending a good 45 minutes talking on the phone as we drove toward the restaurant and then talking another 30 before anyone else got there.

Nicolle sitting in the waiting area for 10 minutes even though we were seated not 15 feet from that area. Sad for Nicolle.

Coming up with random names for each other, what were these for anyway. I called Nicolle Trixie and I was Kitty but I don’t know why. And heather kept calling me kitty cat and meowing. Not sure why she did that either.

Jessica, Nicolle, and Heather being the only three with alcoholic drinks but us calling Erica the drunk.

And so much more. Oh I’ll have to remember it all and post more later.