Yes I do think about things like this

Some of my blog friends have very creative gifts. Steve can sing and write songs, his friend Yakima Chris is also a gifted song writer, Eddie and Edgy Mama can write fiction like no other, I’m convinced that Ben is a short story writer waiting to break loose.

I, on the other hand, write dissertations. Yep, I am such a nerd that I write long thought out papers on points of interest to me. Somehow this seems so much less creative than all my other friends, but I’ve accepted my nerdom so now I will inflict it on you.

"My own personal Jesus" - Depeche Mode circa 1990. I have no idea the true meaning of this song but it sets the stage for something I’ve been thinking about.

What is “it” that we turn into our own personal Jesus? Is it sometimes ourselves? If I’m honest, I will admit that there have been many times when I’ve told God, “Sit back and take a breather, I can handle this one.”

How to do I get to the point where I remove the Lord from his throne and take His place as my own personal Savior?

This never happens when I’m in a crisis. It always happens when things are working out for me, when everything is good. It happens when I think I’ve got everything under control and I can handle anything that comes my way.

Notice the amount of “I’s” in that last paragraph. That is the tell tale sign of my problem. I start focusing on me and start giving myself credit for my circumstances. I start to forget that “I” did nothing to get myself to this point of calm and blessings but “I” sure like to take credit for it.

So what happens when you push the Lord of Creation out of His throne? DISASTER.

Have you ever noticed that men are not good saviors? They often fail at the whole saving bit. Or at least they may save someone but they invariably lose their own life in the process. What good is it for the savior to be dead? Then the saving is done but the saved is left all alone with nothing.

Men are terrible saviors and I’m a horrible lord. As soon as I get in that throne everything goes to hell. I’m not saying that to be crass but to illuminate exactly where the work of the lord (me) ends up. Why? Because now a faulted, sinful, messed up being is trying to be divine and do the divine. On his own, the pauper can’t play the prince.

So if I am my own personal Jesus, what am I saving? Who am I leading? Where is my kingdom? Those answers are easy: noone, nothing, nowhere.

I read a quote in a book I’m struggling through (deep stuff if anyone out there is up for the challenge) and I came across this passage. The author was writing about something different but his point is true here also:

“ . . of the madman who called himself Christ. If we said what we felt, we should say, ‘So you are the Creator and Redeemer of the world: but what a small world it must be! What a little heaven you must inhabit, with angels no bigger than butterflies! How sad it must be to be God; and an inadequate God! Is there really no life fuller and no love more marvelous than yours; and is it really in your small and painful pity that all flesh must put its faith? How much happier would you be, how much more of you there would be, if the hammer of a higher God could smash your small cosmos, scattering the stars like spangles, and leave you in the open, free from other men to look up as well as down!’”
Orthodoxy by C.K. Chesterson

Wow, how small my world becomes when I am my own savior. How pointless my life is. How ineffective love becomes. How sad that mercy and grace are limited by my inadequacies. I’m not a good savior. I’m not a good lord.

So why do I like to take over the throne when things are going so well? Why do I try and take control when God has proven Himself so worthy of my praise, so true to His word, so equipped to be the Sovereign Lord?

How small my faith becomes in that moment when I sit in that throne. How hurt my Lord is when I take His place. How painful the removal from that chair is, as God exerts His will to be the only Lord.

It is then that I realize what I have done. It is then that my eyes open to His glory. It is then that I repent of my arrogance in His presence. It is then that I remember my Lord, my Savior, my King.

It is then that I realize Jesus is mine. I can claim Him as my own personal Savior and no one else need step in and take over that role, especially me.

Thoughts?