Thursday, December 16, 2004

The morning my silky pillows revolted

Jessica (check out the fun link, even though Jessica and Eddie are my only visitors and obviously know thier own websites) please note I did not finish the sentence because it would be hard to understand. I will start over below.

Ok so Jessica posted a note on her blog about among other things a horrible morning experience, which of course started with her dreaming about me naked. Don't ask just check out her post. Sheesh, the flak I get for a little exhibitionism. Ok so that last sentence went a little to far. Remember it was all a dream, Jessica's dream mind you. I'm totally against nakedness, ever.

So my bad morning experience. This happened last spring if I remember correctly. Yes it was actually last January. I got a new duvet comforter and pillow shams for christmas. They are from pottery barn and very nice. The pillows are velvet on one side adn silk on the other and are a beautiful dark red. I love the pillows.

Now is the time to tell you a little bit about my house. I live in a guest house, a garage apartment, or something else to denote the small size and the fact it belongs to another family. So my house is small and my bedroom is small, especially because I have a queen size bed, two dressers, and two small bookshelves. So there is little floor space for walking much less for laying things down and walking.

So one morning I woke up extremely late beacuse the little elves that live under my bed had turned off my alarm sometime in the night. Stinkin elves. So I fly out of bed (I was really airborne) and went to run toward the closet to get dressed (showering not even an option on this particular morning, hey don't judge the french get away with it, and hairy armpits to I remind you.) So I step on my nice new pillow and for some reason my pillow did not like this and it proceeded to pull itself out from under my body thereby causing me to go airborne (for the second time that morning, mind you) as my foot somehow went above my head in an amazing gymnastic feat only seen in Cirque De Soile shows. And since my feet were above my head obviously gravity was not going to be working in my favor on this paticular morning (as if it ever does). I then landed on my neck, shoulder and the arm that I strategically threw back to catch myself, since of course my arm can hold me up in the air with ease. Well my good ol trusty arm failed me and I hit with a thud.

In all honesty I think I went unconscience for a second or at least stopped breathing because I had one of those out of body experiences where you float over yourself. Actually I think my brain just hadn't caught up with my nerve endings and it thought I was still flying. But no, now I was lying, and in pain. I laid there thinking how I was going to get help. See for a few seconds (which of course felt like an hour or so in that weird pain and shock time loop) I figured I would need help from someone. These were the things I thought about in that time:
1. If I could telekenitcally will my cell phone from the living room to the bedroom
2. If I screamed loud enough would the family in the house 25 yards away hear me through my walls, the garage, a span of yard, thier laundry room, and all their walls.
3. If I could get help would I be embarresed by what I was wearing. Did I have on proper rescue attire, clean pajamas, appropriate pajamas, and were my pajamas still even on me since I was aware of nothing beyond my own head on my body.
4. If I had just bought one of those "I've fallen and I can't get up" necklaces like the old lady sold I wouldn't have to worry about numbers 1 and 2
5. How late this was going to make me for work
6. If I could sue pottery barn for making slippery pillows
7. If my obituary would read "Katie died by pillow"

Then I began to feel again, or my brain and my nerves finally got it together and started to work with each other again. So then I'm just feeling pain, my arm hurts, my back hurts, my head hurts. I'm trying to figure out if my arm has sustained any severe damage. At this point I'm figuring I should call work and let them know I'm going to be late. So I crawl to the living room and dial the school.

When the school secretary answers, I say, "Linda, I'm running really late so I won't be there for another 20 minutes or so."

Her reply, "Ok" pause "Who is this?"

Now know that I've worked with Linda at this point for about 5-6 months and we share an office. She hears my voice like thousands of times a day.

So now I'm thinking that not only have I knocked my arm out of socket but I've somehow in a freak accident event changed my voice forever.

This was my worst morning ever. What happened next you may ask. Well I made it to work, my arm was fine after a few days, my voice was indeed normal (stress and severe shock can make you sound different if you didn't know that) and my story made for some great lunch room laughter time.

So Jessica, I feel your pain, I know your pain, I am your pain (only when you dream of me that is)

3 Comments:

Blogger chirky said...

"I'm totally against nakedness, ever."

Katie, I'm laughing at the ridiculousness of this sentence.

12/16/2004 4:15 PM  
Blogger chirky said...

oooh! it sounds like i would like your comforter and pillows!

12/16/2004 4:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

katie is a NEVER NUDE! ever watch arrested development? If not, then you won't get the Never Nude joke...

Katie, it's time to get a second alarm clock if waking up late causes this much destruction...

12/16/2004 4:24 PM  

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