Growing Up

Why is it that on the eve of turning 30 I am just now realizing what an idiot I was at 20? You think that life would have been much easier if I had come to that conclusion when I was in a place to do something about it. But oh no, life lessons are often learned with an eye to the past.

So my question is this . . . Now that I know that I knew a whole lot of nothing at the ripe old age of 20, and yet I thought I had it all figured out, what does that say about what I think I know now that I'm almost 30?

And, hello, when did I get to be "almost 30"? I mean I was just in college . . . . 6 or 7 years ago, and high school was only . . . 5 years before that. So really shouldn't I still be languishing somewhere in the 20's eternally?

I think it's required to have some sort of mid-mid-life crisis when the big THREE-OH approaches your door, but in all honesty I'm more side-swiped by it. These last few years have snuck up on me and my basic math skills have fallen by the way-side in the process. To think that each additional year added to the sum total of years is a concept I seem to have grown slightly and yet consciously ignorant of.

I mean 30 equates to all sorts of things: marriage, family, dog, home, ability to cook a meal that doesn't come from a frozen box/bag or at least includes 5 ingredients, being a "grown up", and other such things that just seem to be a part of life at 30. Hmmm, this isn't to say that I think my life isn't up to snuff for 30, but maybe more 30 isn't up to snuff for my life. I'm happy, I have a job I love, I have amazing friends, and there are still many many years ahead for all that other "stuff".

I wonder if you ever reach the point of being a "grown up" or if it's all in perception. To a college student I'm grown up but to my parents I'm still their child. Maybe I'll always be in that state of growing and yet always seen by someone as already grown.