The one where I reminisce about catching my hair on fire

Aqua-net, how I loved thee. Cheap and yet it possessed the power to cause six inches of hair to defy gravity in such a way that I could perfect the hairstyle know as "mall-bangs" or "the wave". At the height of the 80's when fashion was at an all time low and ones hair must be teased, crimped, with bangs reaching into the air at least 4 inches, Aqua-net was every girls must have.

I really should have paid more attention to the physics of hair spray and fire in my youth. Helen Hunt provided a real life lesson on the combustible nature of hair spray in that classic teenage flick of "Girls Just Want to Have Fun". Hair spray + lighter = flame torch to scare off nasty guard dog thus ensuring that main female character gets to dance. I think they should have contracted Helen to do a Public Service Announcement on the danger of hairspray but alas they instead spent their time on drugs ("I learned it from watching you, Dad!").

And so my desire to be oh so cool and have the "it" hairstyle along with my ignorance of how alcohol loves an open flame led to the demise of my bangs.

It was "conserve electricity day" in fifth grade. This of course was a useless endeavor because one whole wall of our room consisted of large windows so we rarely turned on the clinical lights that cast a greenish and sickly glow on everything. And yet we each were told to bring a candle for our desks. Being the dutifull (read goody-goody) student that I was, I brought my nice taper candle and candlestick to do my work by.

Sometime during the day an order that rivaled the worst stink bomb overcame those of us in our little grouping of desks. It amazes me that the smell of burning hair can be so pungent. As we all glanced up to see what was causing the stank, I distinctly remember the eyes of my friend growing to three times their normal size. "You're hairs on fire!" she yelped thereby drawing the attention of the entire class. Whether by instinct or pure stupidity I reached up to my bangs in a swatting motion. Apparantly the aqua-net fueled fire was contained to only that area of my bangs that were lacquered into the air. With a quick brush of my hand the flames were extinguished but so were my bangs. Black ashes floated onto my desktop as I sat horrified that not only had I just set my hair on fire but I also had burned off my coveted bangs and drawn more attention to myself than any self-concious fifth grader would want.

And so may this serve as a warning to all you cheering on the return of the 80's fashion. If the bangs come back in style, warn those you love and cherish about the dangers of aqua-net and open flames.

This has been a public service announcement sponsored by Kpinion.

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The more you know . . . . . . . . . .