Finally . . . .

Sorry for the wait (if anyone was waiting) I had to confirm my story and then I was in such a rush it might not have the special touch that makes it more enjoyable. Oh well the facts alone make me laugh.


So my friend, the one who peed in a sonic cup on a road trip, is absolutely CRAZY. For her protection, I’ll call her BERTHA.

What this woman won’t do. It actually scares me some times that these things happen to her but it is way too funny for me to really complain.

This was a story she told me last night.

BERTHA shows up at her nephew’s first birthday party. Family and friends are all gathered at her parent’s house for a pool party. It should be noted that BERTHA’s sister-in-law is half Vietnamese and her mother and aunt are fully Vietnamese and the aunt speaks no English. These women are also so short they come up to BERTHA's waist (she really is an Amazon woman).

The grandparents meet them at the door and have gifts from their recent trip to Alaska. Now BERTHA's dad pulls her husband aside and tells him he has a special gift just for him. He opens the package and in it is a jock strap.

Now this is not any normal jock strap but it has certain embellishments. The front is covered with a fur pelt and a long raccoon tail is attached to the back strap.

Granddad leans over to BERTHA’s husband and offers $75 if he’ll wear it out to the pool. BERTHA’s husband is a funny guy but not that funny.

And this is where my friend BERTHA comes in. Her ears perked up at the idea of easy money and she pipes up that she’ll wear it. At this point, Granddad runs to get the video camera (yes there is video of this incident).

So BERTHA proceeds to don this fur covered jock strap. Now BERTHA, her husband, and two kids are coming from church so they are all dressed up and have their suits with them. BERTHA has no choice but to wear the jock strap with her nice pressed white blouse.

All dressed up she proudly walks out onto the back porch and greets the 18 or so guests. As soon as she walks out the door EVERY person at that party stops talking and stares at her, well they were more likely staring at her special outfit.

The aunt that speaks no English has eyes the size of saucers and starts spurting out Vietnamese at an amazing rate.

Her dad has taken up a strategic position and is now filming and directing her to turn around, hold her shirt up, and show everyone the back. Now, do know that she is wearing this thing exactly as it should be, so – well - let’s just say that when she turned around the guests got an eye-full.

All this time, BERTHA’s 4 year old nephew is chanting “Turn around, Aunt BERTHA, turn around.”

Ladies and gentleman, this is my friend.

And oh it only gets better. On the way home her sons pipes up with, “Mom I could see your crack. When you turned that tail moved and I saw everything.”

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

Then BERTHA’s brother called and could not believe that she did that. BERTHA retorted, “For $75 I did it.” His response, “Yeah, but you’re going to have to use that money for counseling for your children or to fix all that hail damage you got back there.”

I love my friends. I love them more that these kind of things happen to them and not me.