Thursday, August 25, 2005

Finally . . . .

Sorry for the wait (if anyone was waiting) I had to confirm my story and then I was in such a rush it might not have the special touch that makes it more enjoyable. Oh well the facts alone make me laugh.


So my friend, the one who peed in a sonic cup on a road trip, is absolutely CRAZY. For her protection, I’ll call her BERTHA.

What this woman won’t do. It actually scares me some times that these things happen to her but it is way too funny for me to really complain.

This was a story she told me last night.

BERTHA shows up at her nephew’s first birthday party. Family and friends are all gathered at her parent’s house for a pool party. It should be noted that BERTHA’s sister-in-law is half Vietnamese and her mother and aunt are fully Vietnamese and the aunt speaks no English. These women are also so short they come up to BERTHA's waist (she really is an Amazon woman).

The grandparents meet them at the door and have gifts from their recent trip to Alaska. Now BERTHA's dad pulls her husband aside and tells him he has a special gift just for him. He opens the package and in it is a jock strap.

Now this is not any normal jock strap but it has certain embellishments. The front is covered with a fur pelt and a long raccoon tail is attached to the back strap.

Granddad leans over to BERTHA’s husband and offers $75 if he’ll wear it out to the pool. BERTHA’s husband is a funny guy but not that funny.

And this is where my friend BERTHA comes in. Her ears perked up at the idea of easy money and she pipes up that she’ll wear it. At this point, Granddad runs to get the video camera (yes there is video of this incident).

So BERTHA proceeds to don this fur covered jock strap. Now BERTHA, her husband, and two kids are coming from church so they are all dressed up and have their suits with them. BERTHA has no choice but to wear the jock strap with her nice pressed white blouse.

All dressed up she proudly walks out onto the back porch and greets the 18 or so guests. As soon as she walks out the door EVERY person at that party stops talking and stares at her, well they were more likely staring at her special outfit.

The aunt that speaks no English has eyes the size of saucers and starts spurting out Vietnamese at an amazing rate.

Her dad has taken up a strategic position and is now filming and directing her to turn around, hold her shirt up, and show everyone the back. Now, do know that she is wearing this thing exactly as it should be, so – well - let’s just say that when she turned around the guests got an eye-full.

All this time, BERTHA’s 4 year old nephew is chanting “Turn around, Aunt BERTHA, turn around.”

Ladies and gentleman, this is my friend.

And oh it only gets better. On the way home her sons pipes up with, “Mom I could see your crack. When you turned that tail moved and I saw everything.”

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

Then BERTHA’s brother called and could not believe that she did that. BERTHA retorted, “For $75 I did it.” His response, “Yeah, but you’re going to have to use that money for counseling for your children or to fix all that hail damage you got back there.”

I love my friends. I love them more that these kind of things happen to them and not me.

26 Comments:

Blogger steve said...

Jane is my Mom's name... thanks for the mental picture

8/25/2005 3:47 PM  
Blogger Katie said...

Oops, I was trying not to pick a name of someone I knew

Sorry

Ha ha ha ha ha, it is actually kinda funny though . . .

8/25/2005 3:50 PM  
Blogger steve said...

THEN PICK A NAME LIKE BERTHA OR SHANNAQUISHA

8/25/2005 3:57 PM  
Blogger Amstaff Mom said...

HAIL DAMAGE!!!!! HA HA HA HA!

Hmmm, I wonder if I know this "Jane". Me thinks I would remember knowing somebody that would pull off a stunt like that.
She must have no shame. Or maybe she should after that.

At first I thought you were saying that she put it on TOP of her clothes. WOW.

8/25/2005 4:14 PM  
Blogger Amstaff Mom said...

Let me just say that this post was worth the wait.

Why do I always think of something else to comment on immediately AFTER I hit "Login and Publish"?

Sigh.

8/25/2005 4:15 PM  
Blogger Katie said...

Gosh Steve, you go and be all demanding. She is a 6 ft white woman so Shannaquisha would not work but just for you I changed it to BERTHA. Now the mental pictures don't have to be so disturbing.

8/25/2005 4:21 PM  
Blogger steve said...

YES! Thank you Katie

8/25/2005 4:24 PM  
Blogger Katie said...

I like to keep the readers happy.

8/25/2005 4:28 PM  
Blogger steve said...

then where is my Dr. Pepper?

8/25/2005 4:34 PM  
Blogger Katie said...

uhhhhhhhhhh

welllllllllll

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

dang you are DEMANDING today.

If you were a girl I would call you DEMANDA (ahahahaha - sorry I use to call one of my best friends that). Ok that was only funny to me.

8/25/2005 4:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, my fiancee is a 6' white woman...no picking on them either. :P

8/25/2005 4:37 PM  
Blogger Katie said...

Anon do I know your fiancee? Does she sport attire from alaska?

8/25/2005 4:42 PM  
Blogger Katie said...

Is her name Shannaquisha?

8/25/2005 4:47 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

KT, you missed some the Jane's - so now she's a multiple personality.

But either way, it's dang funny.

I have a friend like that - his motto is "I don't even need a reason, I'll do it right now."

8/25/2005 4:58 PM  
Blogger jes said...

wait. jane? bertha? what?

8/25/2005 5:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi, I'm Bertha....and Jane....
I've already spent my $75 for the jock strap stunt. Any ideas on how to make my next 75?

8/25/2005 7:55 PM  
Blogger steve said...

LET THE WORLD KNOW RIGHT NOW THAT KATIE IS THE GREATEST EVAHHHHH!!!


YOU MIGHT BE WONDERING WHILE I AM STILL UP AT 1:37 AM!!???

DUBLIN DR PEPPER IS SURGING THROUGH MY VIENS!! OH THE GLORIOUS SUGAR CANE!!! THE GLORIOUS SUGAR CANE!!!! I MIGHT NEVER SLEEP!!

KATIE IS THE BEST !!!

8/26/2005 3:38 AM  
Blogger Katie said...

and you're welcome

*Katie gracefully curtsies*

8/26/2005 9:15 AM  
Blogger Sydney said...

Oh my Word! That was hilarious... Reminds me of a story BUT it will have to wait! $75 dollars.... he he heh eh ehe

8/26/2005 11:30 AM  
Blogger Amstaff Mom said...

Sounds like there is a very happy northwest camper this morning.

The world needs more people like K-T.

8/26/2005 11:57 AM  
Blogger Ben said...

Crazy that you have friends that would don a jock strap and walk in front of a group of people...

Bertha, I can't believe this story. You.ARE.Crazy. ;)

Katie-

Did you actually send SOS aka Steve a Dr. Pepper?? That's crazy as well. ;)

8/26/2005 2:23 PM  
Blogger Katie said...

Ben - not only do I have friends like this but they openly tell me of their exploits

Define crazy . . . .

8/26/2005 2:28 PM  
Blogger Ben said...

Well, there is CRAZY as in: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD WALK AROUND WITH YOUR BARE BUTT HANGING OUT OF THE BACK OF A JOCK STRAP.

And then there is crazy as in: Wow. You would actually care enough about your online friends that you wouldn't just joke about sending a Dr. Pepper but that you would actually send them a Dr. Pepper. Crazy in a good way.

You are the latter.

Um... can you send me a Coke? I am thirsty. ;)

8/26/2005 2:34 PM  
Blogger Katie said...

I deliver Dr. Pepper only, sorry but maybe I should send some to your wife for her bday. Hmmmmm . . . I already promised mexican food after baby MIM makes their appearance, maybe some Dublin DrP will be with that care package.

I like to call that second crazy, southern hospitality. The first crazy I just call BERTHA.

8/26/2005 2:38 PM  
Blogger Ben said...

What?? Dr. Pepper only?

That's a crock. ;)

8/26/2005 2:41 PM  
Blogger Katie said...

Oh Ben but you've never tasted DUBLIN DR PEPPER. After it hits your mouth you realize there is no other coke (pop, soda, whatever) that can even rival it.

TRUST ME.

8/26/2005 2:43 PM  

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