Friday, April 07, 2006

Collision

She hides.

She hides from the world, she hides from those closest to her, and she even hides from God.

She hides in plain sight. Diverting attention from the things she wants unseen. Masks, disguises, anything to conceal what she doesn’t want seen, doesn’t want known.

She hides behind an image of strength. Strength will hide her fear, her vulnerability, and her weaknesses. Strength is the answer.

And so strength begins to form, strength that has no power behind it. It is a façade, a charade, and yet she begins to believe it is true. The strength hardens her and she begins to think she knows best. The vulnerability and fear fade under the shadows that aren’t even real. Slowly she begins to believe this is her true self: the strong, the untouchable, the proud, and the self sufficient.

Strength is her answer, strength will hide the truth. All this just to hide. Believing in lies because admitting the truth, having it seen and known is unbearable.

But shadows fade, and charades falter.

So the One who made her comes. She stands so proud before Him, sure of who she is, strong in herself. And a great collision occurs, the strength of her against the strength of Him. One is shadow, the other is light.

And in that collision all those things she clung to, all those things she hid behind are torn away, pulled from her grasp. She fights with the strength that she has gained; she fights to remain in shadow, hidden from sight. She fights and she loses and she is left bare, weak, and vulnerable.

The very thing she feared is now the thing she must face.

Her strength became her weakness.

Broken and bare, weak and unworthy, she clings to the only One she can. She clings to the One that sees her for all she is, for everything she has tried to hide. Her tears begin to fall and shame fills her heart, for all that she wanted to keep from Him, He now sees.

And in His embrace she finds strength, not to hide her weakness but to fill it. How wrong she was in her thinking, seeing weakness as something to be ashamed of, as something to hide.

It was weakness that He wanted. It was her weakness that would lead to Him.

She finds that real strength is only really found in weakness and that is the product of surrender. So for her to be truly strong she had to be weak and to be fully weak she must surrender it all.

And so in the surrendering, she finds more than weakness but weakness filled with strength, His strength.

And so she stands once again strong,
not by her own strength,
not covered in shadows.

She stands filled with His strength.
She stands in the light of Him.
She stands because He holds her.




Your grace is sufficient for me
Your strength is made perfect
When I am weak
And all that I cling to
I lay at Your feet
Your grace is sufficient for me


But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12: 9-10

15 Comments:

Blogger Ben said...

I think I have read this 5 times now... It is perfect. Well worth the wait. I love it. Transparent... maybe that's why I like it... without question I can relate.

Amazing.

"She stands because He holds her."

All time favorite post.

Thanks.

4/07/2006 10:36 AM  
Blogger Kristi said...

Katie,

WOW. Definitely one of your best (which says a lot!).

This collision is one that we probably all make at some time or another. So it would make sense to go ahead and learn the lesson, rather than to keep colliding!

Very well done!

4/07/2006 11:40 AM  
Blogger Tanner Ridge said...

Finding strength in weakness.

Doesn't this truth just kick ya in the butt.

So the hard part for me is when I do go through the rough times and surrender myself to Him, I end up feeling strong again. I actually hate that cause I'm strong but then I'm not feeling weak even though you know where your strength came from!

Sometimes when I go through this I don't want to feel strong cause then I won't feel weak anymore and then feel like I'm not relying on Him again. Its such a quandary.

How do you keep the balance when your feeling strong to remain weak?

Awesome Blog Katie...Thanks!

4/07/2006 12:09 PM  
Blogger steve said...

Lil Shane and Shane in there

I am actually playing that song tonight for worship... what a trip

GREAT post

4/07/2006 12:52 PM  
Anonymous GCO said...

I noticed you said, "For Christ's Sake" well check out www.forchristssakethemusical.com

4/07/2006 1:23 PM  
Blogger Katie said...

tanner - easy answer "I don't know", hard answer "I don't know". I guess that is why I collide with God so much, it is a learning experince because as soon as I become strong in Him I mistake it for my own strength and He must again weaken me. But that is what makes the relationship with Him so close, we keep colliding and He wins and I end up depending on Him. I don't mind the cycle because I get closer and closer to Him each time.

4/07/2006 1:30 PM  
Blogger Aim Claim said...

GREAT POST...

As I was reading I had already decided that I was going to post 2Cor 12:10 as my comment... but then I got to the end and BAM! It was there!

You're heart is absolutely beautiful, my dear friend!

4/07/2006 1:49 PM  
Blogger jes said...

"delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties?"

it was well worth the wait, i agree with Ben. i must say, though, that i cannot say these same things about myself.

Do i delight in weakness? in INSULTS? in HARDSHIPS? in PERSECUTION? I could not with good conscience say that I delight in these things.

I do withstand them, and more often than not I remain in good spirits despite them. But I don't take delight in them. I could never say that I do.

I guess that gives me something to work on.

4/07/2006 2:09 PM  
Blogger Katie said...

oh Jes, I struggle with all that too, and add in "rejoice in sufferings" to the list of things I don't do well

so I'm working on them too, all the time, and failing more than I'm succeeding

4/07/2006 2:13 PM  
Blogger Saur♥Kraut said...

Very prettily said. And quite true; as a Christian we must face ourselves, and it's always a humbling experience. The sucky thing is that we have to do it repeatedly.

4/07/2006 2:15 PM  
Blogger Tim Rice said...

Profound; but how true. It describes a lot of my life as well. Thanks for sharing and in your sharing encouraging me and others.

4/07/2006 3:55 PM  
Blogger The Cubicle Reverend said...

I know how you feel. When I worked with a college and career group with the prayer team whenever someone came to talk to me (for some reason a lot of people would talk to me) I'd always tell them to be honest before God and not be afraid, because even Jesus was honest before God. Of course I wasn't practicing it myself and ultimately had a total emotional crash because I wasn't practicing what I was preaching.

4/07/2006 5:14 PM  
Blogger Amstaff Mom said...

Absolutely beautiful.

To be thankful in the hard times is a hard lesson to learn, indeed.

4/07/2006 6:45 PM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

Perfect. Oh how I can relate to this post!

And I absolutely LOVE that verse!

4/10/2006 10:23 AM  
Blogger Ben said...

See? I TOLD YOU!

4/10/2006 1:05 PM  

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