Friday, February 17, 2006

Mulling over something

It's frustrating.
To have this idea, this concept in your head, that seems so clear and at the same time is so blurred.

I'm not a creative person by nature. I don't have the gift to weave words into poetry or song. That talent, that gifting is expressed in others and I envy it. The ability to take words, simple groupings of letters, and place them in such a way that a harmony springs forth. The creation of natural rhythm in sounds and letters, the ability to express emotions and deep truths with simple phrases, to sum up a concept that is larger than your heart, that is sweeping in scope and to express all of it in words. That is beauty, that is creation.

Instead I ramble, I think, I ponder. I'm not saying it is less, it is just different. My brain doesn't speak in melody or song, poetry doesn't flow from my mind. Instead concepts fit together like pieces of a puzzle. There is a method, a structure that arises when I think on paper. Whether it is seeking to explain something I know to be true, or seeking truth in something I know to be me, it is the process of delving into the mixture of emotions and truth, the clashing of wanting to know but being scared to find out.

So my mind is rambling right now. There is something there, something just out of reach that I'm trying to take hold of, to examine, to touch, to understand, to know.

I wonder if poets and musicians feel the same frustration. There is a melody within their soul, a rhythm of words, an idea, a feeling that must be expressed. And yet the words won’t come, they know the substance but not the form. They hear it in their hearts, in their souls, but to express it to the world is a struggle.

Maybe poets/musicians and ramblers aren’t so different. We take different paths and have different voices but we each end up at the same destination and use the same tools. For the words that they can craft to express beauty I too use. The same searching and pleading to give form to what we feel, what we know, is a struggle for each. And often we are looking at the same truth, the same emotion, the same thought but with different eyes. And yet when it comes to what we see, it is the same.

Just thinking out loud here. I’m a rambler, it’s what I do.


Blogger Aim Claim said...

well put... I think it is the same.

Don't minimize your talent, my friend, you too are poet and a musician!

2/17/2006 12:15 PM  
Blogger steve said...

I dont usually call it frustration... I adore words and putting them together. Just spending time with words is fun. Never frustrating for me anyways

2/17/2006 12:57 PM  
Blogger Katie said...

Thanks Aim you're always a great encouragment to me

2/17/2006 1:11 PM  
Blogger Katie said...

Steve - Ah yes, the poet/musician. You have a special gift that is unique. I see you as being someone that transcends that block because of the intensity of that gift in you. And I admire that in you, the realness of the ability to craft words, to form them into your vision.

2/17/2006 1:15 PM  
Blogger Ben said...

I think your ramblings are melodious.

For me any way... there is a flow and they are well thought out.

2/17/2006 1:20 PM  
Blogger Amstaff Mom said...

I like reading your words and hearing your thoughts. I'm trying to take my words and put them into gestures and expressions of Sign Language. I don't think I'm half Spanish after all, because I've heard that Spanish people are very expressive and gesture, but I don't come by it naturally and it gets frustrating at times.

To be able to communicate is a powerful tool. And you do it well.

2/17/2006 1:41 PM  
Blogger Katie said...

JCol - I'm excited to see how you will be able to express yourself with sign language. In fact I request that you use it from now on in all conversations

2/17/2006 2:03 PM  
Blogger The Cubicle Reverend said...

the only difference between you and myself is I'm probably full of more BS when it comes to words. Being a poet is all good and well, but getting out of doors and actually experiencing the life we are trying to understand is far better. Trust me, you word yourself very well, clear and concise, and poetic in your fashion.

2/17/2006 3:10 PM  
Blogger Katie said...

thank you everyone for the kind words, I'm not saying my words are worthless just . . . . . different

I guess I'm saying that I appreciate the form that others can shape words into because I lack that ability, instead I do what comes naturally to me (write dissertations and ramblings), it is how I express myself so it is me and those who are gifted with poetry and music speak a different language that I am in awe of

2/17/2006 3:17 PM  
Blogger jes said...

I think that should be your new tagline:

I'm a rambler, that's what I do.

The second paragraph reminded me of something I read in a book once, and it has stuck with me ever since. Not because it deepens my level of intellect or emotion or anything else, but just because it was so simple and it was never something I had really thought about before.

This guy was talking about going into an extensive public library, and about how many different books that are housed in that library. And he said, "All these books, made of the same 26 letters."

And I thought, "Wow!" and "How true!" and "Why did it never occur to me that so much has been created from the same 26 letters?" and "If I can arrange 26 letters in any combination to form a word, then how many words are in the English language?"

And I stopped right there, because a) I'm horrible with math and b) who cares?

2/17/2006 3:31 PM  
Blogger Katie said...

hmmm jes maybe I should ask eddo to add that to my template then

and I started to try to do the math problem for you but it became too complicated so I gave up, but i do know it has to do with permutations and such but that is about as far as I got

2/17/2006 3:39 PM  
Blogger green said...

some people call it writer's block or writer's cramps.

I suffer from the same thing. I like to thoroughly spin an idea in my head before I can get out the words that express the thoughts that I can see, taste & touch in my mind, hoping they come out the way I envision them on paper.

2/17/2006 4:05 PM  
Blogger Jayleigh said...

I am always in awe at the way people can write such different things about the same situation. I guess sometimes I can write really well... but only if I am passionate about the subject.


Hope your frustration passes.

2/18/2006 7:55 AM  
Blogger Saur♥Kraut said...

for rambling, you do it well! ;o)

2/20/2006 10:57 AM  
Blogger The Blog Patrol said...

Too much rambling. -5 blog points.

2/20/2006 12:00 PM  

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