I just realized something the other day . . . . . . I’ve changed.

I look the same as I did when I was 18, gosh I can pass for 18 (that’s 10 years baby). I don’t sound any different, I don’t look any different, I really don’t act any different, but I am different. And I’m not talking about some huge noticeable alteration of who I am. People still recognize me, people still describe me using about the same words, but I know that I am different.

Changes . . . .

They are so varying in scope and in depth.

Some changes are very noticeable; these usually deal with appearance and actions, the external. These changes are often very abrupt also, or take place over a short time period. They can be marked by miles and meters. The before and after are so distinct that you wonder how you ever were other than what you are now.

But then there are those changes that are small, that are barely discernible, the internal. They are measured in millimeters and yet years. These changes are not the product of an action or a decision; they are brought about by the eventual wearing down or slow alteration of time. These changes, while small and often undistinguishable to the naked eye are larger in scope and impact than most physical and external changes. These changes can precede an external change but they also continue long after the external is different.

Yes I have experienced the external changes. Time and life have caused alterations in my appearance, in my behavior, in my actions. But those aren’t the changes I recognized. Those are the changes I expect, the ones I take for granted, the ones that I am accustomed to experiencing.

It is the internal changes, the small baby steps of transformation that I realize have occurred. These changes almost resist definition or distinction. They are so minute and yet so basic that they occurred slowly so as not to peak my notice. It is almost as if my heart and my character have eroded to reveal these new qualities that once did not exist.

Those characteristics that I once possessed are not gone they are just softened; they are diminished if only by a degree. And replacing those parts of me that were so dominant are other new qualities that were not native to my soul.

The changes are minute; they are inconsequential in the grand scheme of life. You could overlook them, but for one thing: They are dramatic changes. While they may be small they are not insignificant.

Because these changes are core to who I am, they are the result of a process that is painful and yet freeing. A process that is marked by struggles and refining. They are the product of sanctification. Big word, simple meaning: I must decrease so Christ may increase.

Because really what is happening is a transplant of sorts, a transfusion of character, of self. The changes of the external are made often by will, by strength, by choice. But the changes of the soul, the transformation of character, those occur more slowly and not through our own hands.

Now I have attempted to make these internal changes on my own. I’ve done a pretty good job of fooling myself into believing that I could change the core of who I am, for a moment at least. But human nature will rear its ugly head and we fall back into who we naturally are. It isn’t the qualities that must be changed but the nature. For when the nature is changed, when it is released to be molded, to be formed, to be transformed, then the character will soon follow. We cannot be of one nature and exhibit the qualities of the other. I am either my old nature or I am my new. Something inside of me has to change, something has to transform when my nature itself is altered.

So this transformation, these changes are not by my hands, my works, or even my will. For me to change it must be by an outside force. I must resign myself to these changes; I must lay bare my heart for them to occur. For the most dramatic changes, the greatest alteration of our character, of our hearts, of our selves is done by the hands of another. I am only to look up with a sigh and a wince and let go.

The changes may be small; in fact they are hardly noticeable to the naked eye, if at all. But changes such as this, the transformation of character, of a heart, creates a ripple effect in our lives. So those small internal changes are seen though external ripples. My actions, my behavior are altered, not by willful choices but by the decrease in my nature and the increase of His.

KrisT asked in a recent post what my greatest accomplishment has been. I racked my brain to come up with something of great worth that I could proclaim that I had in fact achieved. And as I thought more, I realized that my greatest accomplishment is this, the changing of my heart. But the best thing about this accomplishment is that I take no credit for it, I claim no work in it, and my role was only of submission and supplication, but I reap all the fruits of His labor.