Wednesday, November 02, 2005

No title

Nothing distinct about her, nothing to give away the truth.

She sits surrounded by people and still feels alone. The emptiness of solitude is deafening to her ears even in the noisiness of a party. She wonders if all her friends really know her, if they see past this shell of a person to what makes up her heart, her spirit, her soul. She questions if friendship and love reach beyond what she can offer to those who promise their companionship. Are there conditions to the camaraderie, to the love? Must she always be “enough” for them for fear that she will lose them?

She’s felt the depth of loneliness overtake her heart so many times. She’s cried in the darkness because of the pain. She’s questioned so many times if she is even worthy of love, if she is worthy of anything. She’s longed for relief, for comfort, for tenderness. She’s begged, she’s pleaded and yet relief seems just out of her reach. The walls close in and she feels so alone.

She’s heard the words, “you’re pretty” but wonders if she will ever hear “you’re beautiful”. She wonders if love will ever find her. Will anyone ever love her with all that she is? Will she be found in pleasure? Will someone desire her heart? Is she destined to walk alone forever? Will loneliness always be a part of her life?

She knows she has to be the only one who feels this way.

She’s every girl you’ve ever known.

She may even be you.

She is certainly me.

Nothing distinct about him, nothing to give away the truth.

He is surrounded by many yet is still alone. Many think they know him, many think they see him, but do they see who he really is? Do they look past the outer shell and see the heart, the soul, the mission? Even his closest friends do not understand. It isn’t for trying, but they can’t seem to grasp who he is. Is he loved for only what he can do? Is he admired by the masses for his talents, for his work, but not for his heart?

He’s felt the loneliness overtake him. The depth and weight of the burden he carries. He’s sought counsel, sought comfort, but the path is laid before him and he must walk it alone. In moments meant for solitude, for renewal, he’s found only temptation and pain. He knows that those who say they love him will only fail him. That pain is distinct and leads to more loneliness. He cries for relief, for a way out, but none comes. This is why he is here.

Will she return his love? Can she see how much he cares? Does she hear his voice? Does she feel his tenderness, his heart, his desire to know her, to love her? Will she let him walk beside her? Will she reach out and take his hand? Will rejection be all that he knows?

He came to feel this way, he came to feel.

He’s not every guy you’ve ever known.

He’s only one man.

The only man who can know completely what she feels, the only one who can hear her heart, who has felt every emotion, every pain, who is all too knowledgeable about her fears and her hurting.

The only One who can be both man and God. The only one who can know the loneliness she experiences, who has struggled with the same feelings and thoughts. And yet the only one who can offer the cure for that loneliness, who can offer the unconditional love and relationship that will guarantee she is never truly alone.

She is every girl.
He is the One.

She searches for someone.
He waits for her.

And when she finds Him . . . . . . .

the loneliness fades away

she is known by the One

she is not alone

For we do not have a high priest (Christ) who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4: 15-16


Blogger Stephanie said...

Ugh. I'm speechless. Katie, this is beautiful! Isn't it such a comfort to know that we're never alone - that He's always there... waiting... waiting for us?

Thank you for sharing this Katie.

Talk about a talented writer! Girl, you have a gift, that's for sure!

11/02/2005 9:37 AM  
Blogger Amstaff Mom said...

K-T, did you write this? Did you write this for me? I feel like you just looked inside my heart and head and wrote this just for me. I remember the loneliness, the emptiness, the pain and the darkness. And yet I also know of the love of a Savior who is the only one that loves me as my soul so much desires.

I wish I could give you a hug right now, my friend, because you truly just spoke to my heart.

11/02/2005 9:59 AM  
Blogger Luke said...

I know a friend who sticks closer than a brother, and yet at times, I too, feel the loneliness of solitude. "In moments meant for solitude, for renewal, he’s found only temptation and pain."
That touched my heart.

Thank you Katie

11/02/2005 10:30 AM  
Blogger Hill said...

.....the raw incredibly painful yet even more comforting.

Ran across you, blog hopping somewhere...somehow..But thank you for painting such a beautiful picture.

11/02/2005 10:40 AM  
Blogger jes said...

geez, kt. i know you must have written this, or else you would have given the credit to the author.

how do you feel so deeply? i almost feel inadequate because it seems my thoughts just don't go that deep.

am i not thinking about things?
am i just going through life without observing it?
am i numbed to the world around me?

i would have never considered those questions to accurately describe me, but as I get to know you more and more, i'm thinking that i must be wrong.


11/02/2005 11:12 AM  
Blogger Shelley said...

Wow Katie, this is absolutely beautiful. It fits well with my short story (the link to the story is on my blog for anyone interested in reading it), or at least it does in my opinion.

I think, as single people, it seems as though we tend to feel the pain of loneliness to a deeper or different degree than those who are married (not to say that they don't fell lonely or anything, because I'm sure they do, just in a different way than singles).

The pain can be unbearable at times, but yes the Lord is with us and we are not alone. I know though, sometimes I just need that touch or whatever from a know?

11/02/2005 11:56 AM  
Blogger Ben said...

Blogging from India! Super duper post Katie! I miss this! Feels like I have been gone for WEEKS! Crazy. Different world over here.

Miss ya!

11/02/2005 12:06 PM  
Blogger Ben said...

Funny how I can miss someone I have never met? LOL.

Found that humorous.

11/02/2005 12:07 PM  
Blogger Lia said...

I just wanted you to know that there are literal - not virtual - tears in my eyes. She is me, too. There were things I would add, but I think it would take from your message.

11/02/2005 12:48 PM  
Blogger steve said...

Ben is blogging from India...

Beautiful post KT.

11/02/2005 1:16 PM  
Blogger bigwhitehat said...

Katie, do I need to start fixing you up with nice guys?

11/02/2005 2:31 PM  
Blogger Eddo said...

Beautiful KT. Amazing post that really shows your heart is in the right place. See you in a couple of days! Wee!

11/02/2005 4:10 PM  
Blogger Katie said...

Thanks everyone for your kind words. I hope that through any tears you find comfort in the words of the verse at the end. We do have a high priest who knows our pain, who has lived through it and is all too familiar with loneliness and we can call on Him and the grace and mercy that He alone can offer.

Stealing the tag line from steve:

God is good, oh so good.

11/02/2005 4:33 PM  
Blogger Jayleigh said...


Katie, we sang a song for Choir last week that talked about Jesus walking the road alone. You so often write things which I've already been thinking about for a few days and when I see your beautifully written words here, I know it's God's words straight to my heart.

And no, this is not drug-induced commenting. ;-)

You have such a beautiful heart Katie, and know please that you are in my prayers daily.

11/02/2005 6:50 PM  
Blogger krisT said...

KT~ That was so awesome! I got goosebumps.. Wow.. I'm impressed. You certainly have a God given talent.

11/03/2005 8:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

KT, do you think that this (writing) could be your spiritual gift. While I understand you feel like you are waiting for something to happen in your life, you ARE making things happen in other peoples lives. They read your thoughts and opinions and respond. THere are many people who read them and don't write back to you, but have been touched just the same. You share your love for GOd in a way that so many people can relate to, and respond to it. Maybe you can do it in a bigger way, reach more people. THink about it.
Aunt Jen

11/03/2005 9:06 AM  
Anonymous Aimee said...

How beautiful, thanks for sharing your heart... that was real, raw and so precious!

11/03/2005 12:14 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

Katie- You put into words what I have never been able to. Thank you for letting God use you to speak to my heart.

11/05/2005 12:05 AM  

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