It drew me in like a moth to a flame

As I was punching the remote last night not impressed by anything that summer re-runs have to offer I came upon an ad for a show that peaked my interest. I noted the time and made a mental note to make sure that whatever I was doing at 9 p.m. last night I would immediatly stop and desist and run to my television to witness what might be the most wildly entertaining show to ever grace the airwaves.

What might this show be you ask?

USA Rock Paper Scissors League

(Ok, stop laughing, at least I'm not watching pro wrestling)

Cab you belive that not only is there a league, but they televise it? TELEVISE people in a rock paper scissors tournament. And these people wear costumes. COSTUMES. It was like every possible joke to be made about pro-wrestling, trekkies, and clubs for non-sensical type things was gathered and packaged with a big bow attached for my viewing pleasure. There were history lessons on RPS (got the lingo down), behind the scenes shots of people mentally preparing for their matches, and then there were brief bios on the contenstants/players/throwers (not sure what they are called) and how they came into the exciting world of RPS.

It was CLASSIC, in the sense of not being classical or even educational but classic in the sense that I could not pull my eyes away from the television screen because I was sucked into an alternate reality where people actually compete for $50,000 by playing RPS.

In the vast desert of summer re-runs I had happened upon the mother load of stupid humor. I sat entranced at my television screen wishing, hoping, wanting someone to be there with me to stare wide mouthed and give that look (you know the look, it is the "I cannot believe this is real look", the "somone must be taping us as we watch this look because it cannot occur naturally in nature look", the "are you seeing the same thing I'm seeing look") and then after the look we would crack up laughing until our sides hurt. And then later we would be able to catch each other's eye and remember and laugh again.

And then I remembered my own childhood with RPS or as we call it down here in these parts: FARKLE. Don't argue about the name, it isn't worth you time, this is what me and my peeps call it so either get on board or wave at the party train as it passes you by.

Farkling was more than just throwing RPS, it always included a dare of some sort. Hmmm, I wonder who would eat this dog biscuit. Wanna farkle? That was how one dreaded sunday afternoon started for me in ninth grade. I lost, ate the dog biscuit, and my life with farkling began. There were many other farkles, often times involving embarrassment or public humiliation. Sometimes the farkle was for something good, like the last cookie, but those opportunities were few and far between. Often the farkle involved something gross, like sticking your head in the fred bucket at kamp (i feel as if i need to explain this, the fred bucket was a large garbage can filled with all the food waste of a meal, either left over food from plates, or uneaten food that would be dumped in the compost pile) - I did not lose that farkle by the way but laughed my head off at the guy who did and went head first into the can up to his shoulders.

Ahhhh farkling brings back such memories. Maybe I should suggest to the USARPS league that they liven these tournaments up with a consequence for each person who loses a match. That would take RPS to the Farkle level.

And yes I know that some of you call RPS Roshambo or some other nonsense. The official website for USARPS actually lists the history and you can read how the name Roshambo can to be associated with RPS here: (feel free to skip it if you are not interested) Fast forward 1600 years to the American Revolution, aptly named for the way it revolutionized the sport and provided it with a new moniker still used to this day – Rochambeau (RO-SHAM-BO). America has been the world capital of Rock Paper Scissors since the 18th century, when Lieutenant General Count de Rochambeau of France teamed up with George Washington to defeat the British at Yorktown. The Count was a skillful leader who understood the importance of Rock Paper Scissors in conflict resolution, and used that wisdom to become an American legend. He used RPS to train his troops in the arts of war – discipline, courage, intuition and hand-to-hand combat. In 1780, he and his hand-picked troops were sent to aid Washington against the English. And on October 19, 1781, 17,000 of Rochambeau’s troops surrounded Yorktown to witness the most important Rock Paper Scissors match in world history. British General Charles Cornwallis refused to surrender, and he had only one way out – a best of 3 grudge-match with Washington. A desperate Cornwallis relied on rock and stunned the American troops by crushing Washington’s repeated scissors. But just as Cornwallis’ smack talk had begun, the Count de Rochambeau stood tall with his fist high in the air. Witnesses claim he shouted “Hey Corny, you want some of this? I challenge you to a best of five, winner take all. Loser must surrender, and buy the winner beers tonight. Let’s throw down.” Cornwallis was too proud a man to walk away, and it was game on. With the future of America at stake, Rochambeau opened with rock to foil Cornwallis’ sneaky scissors. Then the Count used sheer brilliance with a sharp scissors to cut down the Brit’s paper. The Count never knuckled under the pressure, and with a powerful rock, he pummeled Cornwallis’ scissors along with his hopes of winning the Revolutionary War. Cornwallis surrendered, and Rochambeau’s name would be forever linked with Rock Paper Scissors and American History. Two years later, the Count delivered the knockout punch as he beat the King of England with three straight papers, forcing him to sign a fourth paper, the Treaty of Paris. Led by an adopted American hero Count de Rochambeau and his mastery of RPS, the war was over.